What is and What Should Never Be
by FireflyFanatic3x
Summary: What if one wish you had, one you hadn't even said aloud, was granted? What if it changed everything? - when Arthur and Merlin go on a hunt for a magical creature - a 'Djinn' - which supposedly has the power to grant wishes, Athur is attacked. He then wakes up in Camelot, alive and well. But something is different... what has changed? And is he willing to live with the cost?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – this fic is entirely based on the Supernatural episode 2x20 – 'What Is And What Should Never Be', which is one of my favourite, and an utterly heartbreaking episode! I just applied the storyline of that episode to the Merlinverse… I hope you like it! Reviews are very much appreciated and any feedback is welcome as long as it's polite. Hope you enjoy it!**

**WORDS: 1500**

**WARNING: Angst to come. And fluff. And…. stuff.**

**RATING: T- because of some sex and/or dark themes that my ensue.**

_CHAPTER 1_

"Merlin?" Arthur hissed out into the dark. "Merlin?!" he called again, this time more frantic.

Some hours ago they had set out from Camelot to investigate reports of a strange creature they believed to be a Djinn. Since spending all day riding and listening to Merlin complain about his backside, the day had been wonderfully topped off when they were attacked by bandits. The fight which then ensued had resulted in King and manservant being separated. Now the fight was over, and he'd been lead by the action seemingly half way across the forest, he was left standing in a small clearing, far away from where he'd been only a few minutes ago.

Arthur squinted against the growing dark that crept in around him as night fell. He was standing in a ditch in the woods and he wasn't entirely sure of the direction he'd come from, and by extension – where Merlin was. Somewhat worried for his servant's safety, Arthur turned, his eyes scanning carefully as he went full circle, taking in every inch of his surroundings. He could hear the faint but familiar babbling of a stream to his left, and right behind him, under the rocky hill which towered over one side of the clearing, was the mouth to a cave. Just looking at it sent a chill down Arthur's spine, but though he couldn't explain why... he felt somehow drawn towards it.

He knew he should go back to Merlin; he had to find him – he could be hurt! But... _the cave_. With the concern for Merlin still nagging at the back of his mind, his desire, his _need_ to enter the darkness and see what he would find, grew until it completely consumed him. Shaking his head and gripping his sword firmly in his right hand, Arthur walked towards the mouth which extended into a seemingly never-ending darkness, taking careful and calculated steps. Venturing inside, he squinted against the consuming black that encased him. The further he went the darker it got, until he could no longer see any light from the entrance, nor remember which direction he'd come from. There was just something about the place that felt off. He wanted nothing more than to get out and go and find Merlin, but he found himself undeniably, unexplainably curious about what lay at the heart of this cavern.

As he continued on into the consuming darkness, Arthur began to think about the conversation he and Merlin had had before the attack...

"So do you really believe in any of this 'Djinn' business?" he'd asked his servant.

"Yes." Merlin had replied, "I hope we're wrong – they're supposed to very powerful and terrifying creatures."

"Yes, but do you believe any of the folklore about them being able to grant wishes?" he'd persisted.

Merlin had hidden a small scoff. "I wouldn't care to find out, sire."

He'd been surprised. "You mean to tell me, Merlin, were you granted any wish you wanted, you wouldn't take it?"

He remembered now the serious expression that suddenly fell over Merlin's face and he'd paused for a moment before answering, "No. Such things always come with a cost. And in my experience, the cost is always too great."

Honestly, he could no longer tell if Merlin was a fool masquerading as a wise man, or the other way around! As he edged on into the darkness, sword in hand, he couldn't help but wonder about what Merlin had said, and what exactly he intended to do when he found it.

Now as he continued through the winding cave, Arthur walked alone, pushing down the fear he felt growing in him; always at the back of his mind, nagging at him, telling him something was wrong. But he hadn't taken another step before he saw it – the Djinn. Gaius' reports and pictures hardly painted an accurate picture, for nothing could have prepared Arthur for the creature that faced him now.

Against the pitch black of the cave, its skin was invisible, but covered in a decorative array of a bright blue pattern of veins, Arthur could see it must have been a good ten feet tall. He froze in his tracks; terrified. But as the creature turned, cobalt eyes glowing at him like two burning stars against the night, Arthur regained himself and held his sword in front of himself in an attack position.

Moving faster than Arthur's eyes could keep up with, it shot towards him and the King barely had time to swing his sword in defence before it leapt back and then lunged at him again. This time grabbing Arthur's sword hand, it towered over him and began to reach out. Arthur stared back into those azure eyes; hot blue flames burning against a skull-like face tattooed with an array of winding patterns, and felt the fear rise in him. He struggled, doing his best to fight. But it was useless. As the Djinn reached out and touched a glowing hand to Arthur's forehead, he felt a deep and unnatural cold spreading through him and his entire body went limp. Slowly at first, then all at once, everything turned grey and the world disappeared.

Arthur's eyes strained against the heaviness that weighed them down. Slowly, he began to open his eyes, only to be blinded by the sunlight streaking through an open window and beaming down onto his face. Squinting against the brightness that invaded his vision, Arthur breathed out slowly and propped himself up on his elbows. He was in bed; _his_ bed, no less – back in Camelot, in the castle, in his own chambers. He could smell the familiar and warming scent of home fill his nose as he breathed deep. After letting the sensation wash over him for a moment, he suddenly sat bolt upright as the realisation dawned on him.

"Are you finally awake?" a voice called. As he threw back the sheets and climbed out of bed, Guinevere appeared, half dressed, from behind the screen at the end of the room. "I was beginning to think you weren't joining those of us who are conscious this morning." She teased as she looked at him; standing there wearing a bewildered expression and messy bed-hair.

Arthur just blinked, totally confused.

With a small nod, Gwen dismissed the young maidservant fastening her dress, who Arthur didn't recognise, and walked towards him. "You look exhausted." She said, taking his hands inside hers as she planted a small kiss on his cheek.

"Guinevere..." He looked around for a moment, still utterly perplexed. "I ... the Djinn..." he breathed.

She took a small step back, allowing herself to look at his face, then raised an eyebrow. "The what?"

"I... I was in the cave – Merlin and I got separated when the bandits attacked! I was drawn to the cave, and then inside I saw the Djinn! It attacked me and then-" he suddenly stopped, pausing for a moment, as though trying to figure something out; trying to remember what happened next. "Then I woke up here!"

Gwen looked up into his eyes, silent for a moment. Then she sighed. "Arthur, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, that's just it!" he exclaimed, "I shouldn't be, they're vicious creatures, I-" but he cut himself short off upon realising Gwen's expression. He stopped for a moment and thought about the ridiculousness of the conversation. "You know what... nevermind. It er... it must have been a dream." He finished.

"Yes... I suppose it must have been." She said slowly. Then she smiled and picked up a brush from the bed. "Now, you won't be seen dead in the council chambers with that awful hair!" she exclaimed, thrusting the hairbrush into his hands before turning and marching toward her dressing table.

"The council chambers?" Arthur's eyebrows furrowed as he muttered again, this time to himself, "Council chambers?"

"Yes, Arthur. You always have breakfast in the council chambers on Sundays."

So he did.

Still somewhat disorientated, and rather positive that his experience with the Djinn was far too real to have been a dream, Arthur walked toward the dresser and took his shirt off, throwing it over the side. Sighing heavily and stretching his arms up, he spoke through a yawn, "Where's Merlin?"

"What's that?" Gwen replied, turning to look at him as she fiddled with an earring.

"Where's Merlin?" he asked again, this time clearer, as he stepped out from behind the screen; fully clothed.

But she just looked at him, puzzled for a moment. Her eyebrows furrowing in concern and confusion, she tilted her head and asked, "Who's Merlin?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – please excuse the general poor quality of writing in this chapter... I don't know what happened. Apparently I'm only good at writing beginnings... still, the story continues. I hope you like it :)**

**Any and all feedback is appreciated.**

**WORDS: 2000**

**WARNINGS: None.**

_CHAPTER 2_

Arthur felt a dark chill pass through him and a heavy weight hit the bottom of his stomach. Gwen was still looking up at him with a confused and somewhat concerned expression from where she sat the dressing table.

Unable to really do anything, Arthur scoffed nervously. "Merlin." He repeated. "Where's Merlin?"

"Arthur… who's Merlin?" His wife was now looking at him with an expression of bewilderment painted on her face. She stood and moved towards Arthur. Reaching out, she touched her palm to his cheek and held his face in her hand. "Are you alright? Arthur? What's the matter? You look like you're going to be sick!"

Arthur simply stood there, shaking his head in disbelief. "Where is he? He should be here! Where's Merlin?" but when she continued to look at him with unknowing eyes, he started to get frantic, "Merlin!" he exclaimed, "My servant, the stupid idiot. Tall; dark hair, handsome features, really clumsy… you know! Gaius' boy!"

Suddenly, as though a light had come on in her mind, Gwen looked up into his eyes and enquired, "You mean Emrys?"

"Emrys?" Arthur echoed, rolling the unfamiliar word off his tongue. Shaking his head, now feeling sick to his stomach, he turned. Picking up his jacket on the way out he charged out of the door, muttering frantically, "I need to find him!"

"Arthur?" Gwen called after him, worriedly. "Arthur!"

She reached the door just as he disappeared from sight around the corner at the end of the corridor. Turning to the soldier standing guard at the entrance to their chambers, she exchanged a short, bewildered look with him.

"Go and send for Emrys. Tell him the King is looking for him." She instructed.

The guard nodded and left, leaving Gwen standing there, looking perplexed and troubled. Still a little uneasy, but pushing her feelings aside, she returned to the room to finish getting ready.

Meanwhile, Arthur was frantically running from one corridor to another, occasionally stopping to ask guards and passersby whether they had seen Merlin. With each perplexed expression that me his inquiries, he got evermore anxious, and when he eventually reached Gaius' chambers, he found them completely empty, with no trace that Merlin had ever even been there - even Gaius was nowhere to be found!

Practically hysterical, but with no idea what was going on, Arthur began to pace back and forth just inside the doorway of Gaius' house. This was the Djinn's doing! It had to be. He was attacked, and the next thing he knew he was in Camelot again, but somehow things were different, and Merlin was nowhere to be found! Worse still, no one seemed to know whom he was talking about! It couldn't have been a dream! It was too real, it felt too… _terrifying_, to have been just a dream.

Still deeply unsettled, but unable to think of anything to just yet, the King began to meander around the castle grounds. Eventually, after pacing to and fro in many different corridors, he found himself face to face with an old door he hadn't opened in some time; the door to his father's chambers…

Sometimes he'd come here for some familiarity or comfort, but he rarely ventured inside. Even though it had been some years since his father's passing, opening an old wound was always painful, and he'd rarely been able to bring himself to go inside.

He reached out and let his fingertips touch the edge of the door handle. The brass felt cold to the touch as Arthur reached a little further, tracing the patterns etched into it with his fingertips. Then, before he really knew what he was doing, he found himself gripping it tight and turning.

The door creaked some when it opened, and Arthur waited for a short moment before venturing inside. But to his astonishment, it wasn't empty! The bed had clearly been slept in, and there were several personal items lying around the room. Perplexed, he continued inside, letting the door close loudly behind him. But as he looked up and saw who it was standing at the other side of the room, Arthur's jaw hit the ground.

She was standing there, draped in a long brown dress; more beautiful than he could have ever imagined. More stunning to him was the fact that she was actually there; physically standing less than 10 feet away from him! Overcome with emotion and shock, and completely unable to even question it, he breathed, "Mother..."

Igraine looked at him, puzzled. But Arthur strode forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a very tight and intense embrace. Barely able to contain his tears, e gripped her tighter for a second, before finally letting her go. Taking a step back, he tried to compose himself and look at her; _really_ look at her.

She was far more beautiful than any of the paintings he'd seen. He had no memory of her, but it was no secret how much his father had loved her, and there were paintings and portraits galore; all taken into storage upon her death when Uther could no longer bare to look at them; painful reminders of her death. But now she wore a different expression to the placid and gentle look of the canvases. She looked up at her son with a furrowed brow; concern and some surprise in her eyes.

"Arthur… are you alright?" she asked, alarmed at his sudden, unwarranted display of emotion.

"Mother you're… _here_! You're… how?" he exclaimed.

Pausing for a moment, Igraine's words left her lips slowly and uncertainly. "These are my chambers Arthur; I'm always here in the morning. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. Yes I'm fine, I just… _wonderful_." He breathed as he fought back tears and embraced her again. When he let go, he smiled. "You're here!" he said again. Then he breathed out slowly, as though letting go of a lifetime of pain he'd held in and bottled up. "The Djinn... well I'll be damned."

"The gin?" she raised her eyebrows, "Arthur what's going on?"

"I mean you're… well… _alive_." He blurted.

Igraine took a small step back and looked up at her son, then replied, "Last time I checked, yes." Then, "Arthur, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" he replied quickly. "Everything is… everything is just perfect. I erm… I had a dream last night, that's all."

She scowled, "A dream?" then raised an eyebrow. He was a grown man now; married no less, and King of Camelot. It had been a long time since he'd grown out of coming to see her when he had distressing dreams!

"Yes… it seemed so real. I dreamed that you died." He mumbled, "When I woke up I was confused and not sure if it was real or not. But… here you are."

Sighing slowly, her heart filled with compassion for her son; the sole living being she loved more than anything else on this earth. "No, I'm here. I'm safe and alive and well. You've nothing to fear, my son. I'm not going away anytime soon!" she smiled, holding his face in her hands, before leaning in to place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

After a moment of silence between them, Igraine turned to leave, but Arthur held onto her hand. "Mother…" he paused, swallowing the painful lump in his throat, "Would you… stay? Just… just sit and talk with me for a while."

She sighed, but eventually agreed. Somewhat unsure of why he was so insistent on her company, she stayed nonetheless, and they talked – about everything. Utterly baffling his mother with questions that he should have known the answers to, Arthur discovered his father had passed away in his sleep two years ago; a peaceful and painless death he was assured. But Camelot had endured the past 20 years in peace and total content – no wars, no famines, no diseases, and no attacks. Most shocking of all to Arthur was the revelation that magic had never been banned. His immediate reaction was confusion. He sat for some time, her words washing over him like water on rock, as he tried to figure out why the father she was describing seemed so different to the man he'd known. It then began to dawn on him – perhaps his father's opinions on sorcery hadn't sprung from thin air, but perhaps the deep-seeded hatred he'd harboured for all those years had always been about Igraine's death…

"He was a kind man." She mused.

"What?" Arthur turned, sitting up a little straighter as he looked at his mother.

"Well… he wasn't always an easy man. He could be harsh, I know. But he loved us both, very dearly. And he was kind – always trying to do what was best, for us and for Camelot."

His father was many things; Perhaps fair and loyal. But Arthur would never have described his father as 'kind'. As he sat there, still marvelling at the fact he could look at his mother's face, sitting right in front of him, he began to think of Uther. Could it really be that his mother's death caused so much to change? If she never died, his father would not have been so broken; so harsh and hateful. He wouldn't have done his best to wipe out magical kind. But what did such freedom, for so many people cost? Were there hundreds of dangerous and powerful, corrupt killers roaming the streets of his beloved Kingdom as freely as they pleased? Or was this revelation perhaps something different to how he thought of the world…

As the conversation eventually drew to a close, Arthur looked deep into Igraine's eyes, marvelling at the love he saw in them; the compassion and beauty. "You're so beautiful..." he breathed. "I'm so lucky to have you!"

Chuckling, Igraine smiled. "Thank you, Arthur. You know I couldn't have wished for a better son."

As Arthur felt tears welling up behind those blue eyes, he cleared his throat and sat up, distancing himself somewhat from his mother. This wasn't possible...

She was Arthur's unspoken wish – the desire buried deep beneath all the pain of the last few years, which he never dared to say aloud. But what son does not crave his mother's love? What man would be content to grow up with only an old soldier for a father? No, he wanted his mother; he'd always wanted her. He wished he'd had two parents to grow up with. He wished she'd never died, and he never had to feel that pain. She was the unspoken wish, which the Djinn had granted in that dark cave in the forest. But Merlin had warned of the price of such things…

As though reading his very thoughts, there was a knock on the door, and Merlin entered the room.

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed, standing up, grinning like a fool. In all the shock of finding his mother, he'd almost forgotten about Merlin's disappearance. But seeing him alive and well filled him with such a relief and joy he couldn't contain his smile.

Then the moment passed, and as he looked at Merlin he became puzzled. He was standing there, looking at Arthur with an extremely bewildered look on his face, and something else too… something… _darker_. Something was wrong. Everything about him was so un-Merlin like! For starters, he was wearing large and decorative noble attire. Even the way he held himself; feet apart, hands clasped behind his straight back, projected an image of everything Merlin was not – noble, rich, respected.

Without thinking for a moment, Arthur scoffed, "What on earth are you wearing?!"

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Clothes, your majesty." He replied curtly. When Arthur continued to stand there, gawping at him, trying to figure this out, he continued; a heavy tone of sarcasm and contempt in his voice, "They are my ceremonial robes, sire. I always wear them when performing my duties as Court Sorcerer."

Arthur could have choked on the air.

"The court what?!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – the next chapter is here! Sorry for those who've been waiting. I know the chapters are quite short, but I hope you're enjoying it! I've also changed the spelling of Ygraine's name, as I've realised that the official BBC Merlin spelling is with a Y, so sorry for that... please keep the reviews coming, I'm interested to know what you think of each chapter and what you want from further chapters! Enjoy!**

**WORDS: 1500**

**WARNINGS: None.**

CHAPTER 3

Arthur stood there with his jaw on the floor. Unable to stop himself, the words of disbelief slipped out and he forgot he was now in a very different Camelot. "Merlin, you can't be serious?!"

Merlin and Ygraine exchanged a bewildered and shocked look, before she exclaimed, "Arthur!"

Still unable to begin entertaining the possibility this could be even remotely true, Arthur turned to look at his mother, his mouth still gaping open. "I mean… he can't! Magic? No, that's not… Not… _Merlin_!"

Staring him down with a look of confusion and distaste, Merlin asked, "Did you call me here simply to enquire about my clothing or was it to comment on my professional service, your majesty?"

When Arthur, now just gawping and spluttering at Merlin, didn't reply, Ygraine answered instead. "I'm sorry. You may go, Emrys, thank you for your time!" she said with a quick smile and small nod, before turning to her son. "Arthur what on earth has gotten into you? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Merlin can't have magic… that's not possible. I mean… you wouldn't change that… it can't be!" he protested. When she just looked at him as though he'd gone mad, he hastily added. "Nevermind, I er… it's alright."

"Arthur, you've known Emrys for years! He was employed by your father several years ago, after he saved your life. You know that! Why are you acting so strangely today?"

Ignoring all other comments, Arthur stopped and just muttered, "He saved my life?"

"Son, I wouldn't be surprised if he's saved your life more times than you could count on both hands! You've told me yourself how many battles he turned, how many spears he stopped." She exclaimed through bemused laughter. "Surely you remember?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. I know I'm acting strangely. You're right, I'm not feeling too well this morning. But everything is alright. I promise!" he smiled, "Will you do me the honour of joining me in the council chambers for breakfast?"

Ygraine sighed. "Well… if you insist."

"I do!" he said, moving closer to her. Holding her shoulders, he leaned in once more and kissed her cheek, savouring the feel of her warmth so close to his, for fear he may never feel it again and he would wake up in a few minutes. "Please." He added as he parted from her and looked into her eyes.

She nodded reassuringly, and with that, Arthur turned and left, his head spinning. This wasn't possible! None of it was! His mother was alive. That alone was enough to make him dizzy, but everything else that followed? Simply refusing to accept the idea that Merlin was, in this life, a sorcerer, he marched down the corridor, headed in no particular direction, buried deep in thought.

As he made his way out into the open air, Arthur sighed heavily. After walking some short distance across the palace gardens, he found a quiet spot and sat down in the grass; still somewhat damp from the morning dew.

Merlin. A sorcerer. That was hard enough to accept - almost as hard as the idea that because his mother didn't die, magic was never outlawed, and was now practiced freely amongst his people. The thought of witches and sorcerers roaming so freely amongst everyone else sent shivers down his spine. But then… surely if they were truly all evil, magic would have been outlawed anyway? His father had always taught him that magic was evil and malice at its very core – well, the father he knew anyway. He had no idea what the Uther of this different world would say. It was seeming more and more like the father Arthur had known, and the one on the Djinn had given him were two very different people.

Now he was just stuck questioning his father's true motives for banning magic. He couldn't lie – he couldn't imagine losing Guinevere, and if she'd fallen victim to magic, he wouldn't have hesitated to outlaw such practices. But did that mean his hate was out of place? Perhaps. He could never really know for sure, because how do you undo a lifetime of hatred? It was going to take some time getting used to this...

All the same – _Merlin_?!

Shaking his head, Arthur muttered, "Can't be. It's not possible... he _can't_!"

How could Merlin, of all people – that bumbling idiot who served his meals and tidied his bedroom, be a powerful sorcerer?

After sitting there for some time, thinking about it, trying to find some explanation; some way in which Ygraine's death would somehow give Merlin magic, eventually, he had to come to accept the difficult fact that it had not – that Merlin had always had magic.

Perhaps that was why everyone was calling him 'Emrys'...

Feeling betrayed, confused and now very unsure of himself, Arthur stood up again, wondering around the gardens, trying to figure it all out. It was too much to take in – even the simple fact that he was here, and his mother alive!

Still, he had his mother back. He had a kingdom that existed in total peace, and had done for the past twenty years! Things were different. But things were better, there was no denying that. And right now, he wouldn't have it any other way!

Sighing heavily, Arthur turned; ready to head back to the palace. He'd been thinking about this for long enough, and his head was beginning to ache. But as he turned, he stopped short when he saw it – a peasant boy, standing across the field, as though he'd appeared from nowhere! He was looking at Arthur with the saddest expression, as though pleading him for something, and he was battered and bruised. His clothes were torn and seemed to be covered in something that looked suspiciously like blood.

His eyes widening with shock, Arthur began to run towards him, but paused for a moment and turned when a guard called his name.

"My lord," he said through heavy breaths, "The queen requests your presence in the council chambers."

Arthur nodded quickly, turning back to the peasant boy. Only he wasn't there. Arthur's eyes darted around – he could have sword a moment ago, the boy was there; standing in the field covered in blood and bruises. Confused and troubled, Arthur sighed heavily. It had been a difficult and strange morning... perhaps his mind was just playing tricks on him.

Still bemused, but trying to put it from his mind, he turned and began heading back towards the palace. He raced up the palace steps and ran into the entrance hall before slowing down. He didn't want to appear before everyone red-faced and out of breath! As far as they were concerned, he'd had a perfectly ordinary morning. Trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say to Merlin, and his mother, he turned the corner. But as he strode down the stone corridor, his heart stopped.

Right in front of him, Morgana was walking down the spiral staircase as gracefully as ever; her long green dress trailing behind her.

"Morgana!" he exclaimed, looking at her with eyes wide, absolutely dumbfounded.

She stopped in her tracks, squinting at him for a moment. Then she smiled. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Arthur! I know I don't look my best, but there's no need for that expression!"

He knew he was just standing there, looking like a fool, but he couldn't think of a single thing to say! She was _here_! She was alive, she was happy! She was in Camelot and, for lack of a better phrase – _not evil! _Absolutely gobsmacked, Arthur took a few slow steps forward, as though not really daring to believe it. It couldn't be, could it? His sister, back in Camelot... Just as things were!

As he continued to stare, astonished, she waited for a response. But he didn't notice – he was too wrapped up in his own scrambled thoughts, desperately trying to make sense of this. He couldn't help but wonder, was that really all it took – a mother figure in her life – to stop her from going down that path? Or was it perhaps having a father who didn't hate the magic she possessed? He looked at his sister – gazing into her eyes, seeing life and joy again. And then suddenly, all the hatred; for magic and everything else he'd despised; all the years of living under his father's shadow, all crumbled. If this was what it took to have his mother back, to have Morgana back – to have peace throughout the kingdom... well it couldn't really be that bad, could it?

Snapping his jaw shut, Arthur suddenly blurted out, "No, I'm sorry!" Exhaling deeply and smiling stupidly, he said, "You look wonderful!"

And she did. He'd never seen her more beautiful before. It wasn't her hair or her dress or her posture, or even her smile... it was more to do with the fact he hadn't seen her in several years, and every time he had, he'd had to fight back the urge to cry. She looked healthy, and she looked happy. She was here, and right now, everything was a kind of perfect he couldn't have hoped for. There was nothing more beautiful than that.

"You look absolutely beautiful!" he finished with a grin.

Morgana eyed him carefully for a moment, trying to figure out if he was sassing her again. "Alright, don't overdo it!" she replied simply.

Holding out his hand in a way he hadn't done for many years, Arthur offered her a hand. After a moment's hesitation, in which she looked into Arthur's eyes; somewhat bewildered, she took it and together they walked down the corridor, through the double doors and into the council chambers.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – Sorry it's taken so long to get up. I hope you like this chapter as much as the last 3. Tis a little bit longer... I just got carried away writing, I'm sure you won't mind! Thank you for all the reviews, keep them coming! Some people have made comments, or been asking about how Merlin would exist if magic was never banned (because Balinor wouldn't be driven out to Ealdor), so I've included that explanation in this chapter, along with some fluff and feels ;)**

**Words: 2800**

**Warnings: None. Just fluff :P**

_CHAPTER 4_

Arthur was sat at the table; grinning like a fool. Sitting around him was Merlin, Morgana, Guinevere, his mother, 2 knights and a court official. As he looked around, watching everyone in wonderment, he caught Gwen's gaze. She smiled fondly at him, then reached out her hand and gave his a small squeeze. He smiled warmly in return and turned to look at the others – they were, all of them, sitting around, talking; sharing banter, as they ate their breakfast.

Morgana looked more beautiful than ever, and there was no denying Merlin seemed happy. He looked different, but a good kind of different in his noble attire. Gwen was clearly happy with their life here; currently chatting away with Ygraine across the table. He could scarcely believe it, but right now, despite the recent shocks and revelations he'd experienced, he couldn't be happier. Everything was a new kind of perfect he hadn't even conceived possible before now.

"Are you alright, Arthur?" Ygraine questioned quietly, as she saw his full plate.

Arthur brought himself from his thoughts and looked down to the plate in front of him. "Oh, I'm fine. Thank you," he replied, picking up a piece of fruit and eating it.

He beamed at his mother and she couldn't help but chortle somewhat.

"He's such a charmer today, I don't know what's gotten into him!" Morgana joked as she turned to Ygraine.

Sitting right next to her, Ygraine reached out and touched her arm affectionately as she joked in return; something about Arthur's usual grumpy demeanour. But he wasn't really paying attention. He was gazing at the pair of them; his sister and mother. Now thinking about exactly how his mother's survival changed so many things, he stared in wonderment at the women. It only now occurred to him that for Morgana to be born, his father would have had to betray Arthur's mother in his affair with Viviane, and for a moment it broke his heart. But looking at the two of them, giggling and smiling unashamedly as they chatted away, he couldn't help but marvel at his mother's strength. It would have been easy for her to hate Morgana; a constant reminder of her husband's unfaithfulness. But not only did she still speak of Uther as a imperfect, but good and on the whole 'kind' man, but she seemed to treat Morgana like a daughter.

As Arthur sat there, beaming as he ate away, a feeling washed over him unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. It was as though he was being released from a pain he didn't know he had. Watching Morgana, Ygraine and Guinevere talk and laugh together was simply moving. They all seemed more than content – something you wish on all your loved ones, but it was Morgana's smile that seemed to hit him right in the heart. She looked, above all things, genuinely happy. There was light in her eyes again, and she was smiling – not a smirk of contempt after getting her way even though she knew it was wrong, but a real, infectious smile. He hadn't seen her this happy since before her parents died! Seeing that kind of happiness in her was a faded memory in his mind of their childhood together when he was still too young to even pick up a sword! He couldn't help but feel blessed on so many levels – that having a mother-figure around; someone to love and protect Morgana; someone to side with her even when she was wrong – had instilled in Morgana such a security and happiness she could be this happy and content.

Arthur was pulled from his thoughts when the entire table erupted in laughter. Grinning along, he joined them in their joke and enjoyed a meal with his family – for the first time in his life, with everyone there.

As the morning continued, the young King began to think more on the revelation about Merlin, which he'd received this morning and was still working over in his mind. Eventually, after some consideration, he took a moment to swallow his pride, clear his throat and walk over to talk to Merlin.

"Merlin," he said as he sat down beside him, "I'm sorry about this morning. I wasn't terribly respectful... I was, well... _confused_." He coughed rather awkwardly, clearing his throat.

Merlin looked at him, as though trying to suss him out for a moment, then spoke. "Don't worry your majesty. I'm used to it." He replied simply.

Somewhat put out by his abrupt answer, and unsure of exactly how to continue a conversation with someone he thought he'd known, but could be a completely different person in this world, Arthur paused awkwardly. Searching for something to day, he continued, attempting to pursue the conversation. "Any news from the er... magical front?"

Merlin almost laughed; a smile began to grow at the sides of his mouth. "No, sire." He cleared his throat and Arthur noticed as he glanced over at Morgana for a moment, before continuing, "I gave you a report yesterday. I can assure you nothing has changed since. But I'll be sure to let you know when anything important happens in the... '_magical front_'."

"Yes, but would you tell me again what was in the report?"

Merlin, still eyeing Arthur suspiciously, answered, "Nothing of importance your majesty. There have been no more sightings of the Griffin. Nimueh sends her regards. The Dragons are keeping peacefully in the north, my father tells me."

Arthur had to swallow hard to avoid spitting out his wine all over Merlin. "Dragons?" he repeated slowly.

Dragons. _Dragons_... _**dragons**_. As the daunting prospect that there could be dozens, even hundreds of Dragons gallivanting around the Kingdom, or patrolling the skies, sunk in, Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. No, he can't have heard right – there was no way, in his right mind, Uther would _ever_ have allowed Dragons to continue roaming free, even if magic had never been outlawed! After all, they were extremely volatile and terrifying creatures, and as far as Arthur's experience went, even the existence of one put the Kingdom in great danger!

"Yes, sire, the Dragons." Merlin replied, "My father assures me there's no trouble – they weren't happy with the Elite Treaty you made with the Saxons last winter, as you know, but they remain peaceful. The Dragonlord Order is a sacred one, Arthur, and you know they're loyal to you. They've no reason to lie."

Arthur took a moment to process the information. "Right! _Dragons_. Peace... Good." he echoed, trying not to appear overwhelmed. That's erm... _good_."

When a somewhat awkward silence fell between them, Arthur saw Morgana shoot Merlin a look out of the corner of his eye. Merlin sighed heavily, rubbing his eyebrow for a moment. Then he looked up at Arthur and his tact completely changed.

"You know I plan to join them," he said, his tone somewhat softer all of a sudden. "after my father passes. It would be an honour to serve in that way; to be a Dragonlord."

"You'll be a Dragonlord?"

Merlin took a moment again, as though having to prepare himself for each time he spoke. "Yes, your majesty." He replied, "It's an ancient gift – a bloodline; passed from father to son."

"I didn't know your father was a Dragonlord..." he breathed in wonderment. It was all Arthur could muster.

"You don't remember him?" Merlin enquired. "You've met him before! Balinor – he came to Camelot not two years ago, when there was some unrest with the Eastern Dragons."

Arthur had to make a point of closing his mouth so he didn't sit there, gawping at Merlin like a fool all morning. "Balinor was your father?" he spluttered.

As the words left his lips, Arthur's mind went instantly back to that terrible day when the Great Dragon was released from beneath Camelot's depths and it attacked the city relentlessly for the following week. The journey to go and find Balinor; the last Dragonlord alive, was one of the most important missions he'd ever undertaken. He wasn't likely to forget such a person in a hurry!

He also remembered the absolute devastation he felt for Camelot's doom when Balinor died in Merlin's arms during a battle and suddenly Arthur's heart was filled with sorrow as he realised that Merlin had been not been grieving for Camelot, but cradling his own dying father in his arms! Had he known who he was? He must have – it would explain why he'd been so quiet for the entirety of their journey. A feeling began to consume Arthur, unlike anything he'd ever really known before – this sense of sympathy and confusion as he began to realise the full extent to which he'd never really known Merlin at all. It made him uneasy to think of all the things that actually remained a complete mystery about his servant. Just how many secrets had Merlin kept from him? To realise just how much pain Merlin had experienced; all he'd gone through, and all the while, suffered in silence, made Arthur feel quite guilty...

As Arthur continued to process this information, and he replayed those few days involving Balinor in his mind, the realisation suddenly dawned on him that if Balinor was a Dragonlord, and that magical power was passed from father to son, then it must have been Merlin who defeated the Dragon at the battle on Camelot's Hill...

Unaware he was really doing it, Arthur continued to stare, absolutely gobsmacked as he began to see just how much he really owed Merlin. Still festering a distrust and no small amount of bitterness towards him for keeping the secret of his magic from him for so long, Arthur didn't want to admit it, but he owed Merlin his life – probably tenfold. He couldn't help but wonder – how many times had Merlin's valiant efforts in saving his life gone unnoticed? All those times he was injured and when he woke up his wound was healed – had Merlin used magic to cure him? All those battles where small, inexplicable things happened that he couldn't really explain – enemies suddenly dropping to the ground, soldiers dropping weapons – were they too Merlin's doing?

Arthur breathed out slowly. "I didn't know Balinor was your father." Was all he could muster, then after a break, he blinked slowly and finished, "You know, you are an incredible man, Merlin."

Merlin looked taken aback. "Uh... thank you, Arthur." He said, somewhat puzzled.

"Tell me more about your father." Arthur inquired eagerly.

Merlin raised an eyebrow in response.

"I'm sorry, I just... I want to know more about you. You told me you never knew your father..."

"Arthur, I've always known my father!" Merlin replied, looking confused. "He ventured to Cendred's Kingdom when he heard of a Dragon attack in those lands, many years ago, and met my mother in Ealdor – a small village on the outskirts of the Kingdom, and... he never left."

Arthur continued to nod as Merlin spoke, now genuinely interested to hear more about Merlin; wondering if the information was the same for the man he'd known in another life. Or had Uther driven Balinor out for being a Dragonlord and forced him into hiding? As he listened intently to Merlin talking more about his life back in Ealdor, and his parents', Arthur shook his head slowly in wonderment. It was mind blowing to realise the extent to which his mother's death had affected seemingly everything about his life – even the life of Merlin's parents.

As they continued talking; the conversation beginning to progress naturally, and Arthur started to feel the same relaxed nature of their interactions, he noticed something else about this dark haired boy... No matter what he was saying, every few seconds, Merlin would shoot a glance over at Morgana, who caught his eye while talking to Ygraine, and smiled back. In fact, it was as though they couldn't keep their eyes of each other, and there was something in their eyes; something in their smiles he hadn't seen before...

As he returned to his seat at the head of the table, he couldn't help but smile, looking at them as they continued to find one reason after another to look at each other or touch one another's hand. He was surprised to see them so affectionate towards one another, but then when he thought about it; it was hardly a big leap. He'd known for a long time that many years ago Merlin had harboured feelings for Morgana, and he'd always dismissed it because quite simply – he didn't believe it could ever happen; certainly not with his father around. Merlinwas a serving boy and she was the first lady of Camelot. But what about in this world, where Merlin was a nobleman of high stature? In many ways, he supposed, it was inevitable...

As breakfast finally finished and everyone began to filter out slowly, Arthur watched them go, still beaming. When his mother and wife looked back at him for a moment, he attempted to contain his smile, but to no avail. Pleasantly confused, they both left, leaving Arthur alone in the hall.

He was picking up his long coat from the back of his chair when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye – Merlin was leaning up against the wall behind a pillar, smiling. Confused, Arthur moved forward, and from behind the pillar she appeared and he realised Merlin was standing only a few inches away from Morgana.

He watched as Merlin moved in and gently placed a kiss on Morgana's lips – an affectionate gesture she returne. Soon they were locked in an passionate but clearly loving embrace. Unsure of exactly what to do, Arthur simply hovered awkwardly. If he made much noise, they'd realise he was there, and they'd all feel awkward – he didn't exactly fancy a scolding from his sister; he knew how fierce and sarcastic she could be. But he didn't exactly feel comfortable standing there, trying not to watch as his former servant and long-since-lost sister wrapped their arms around each other, giggling as they kissed.

Then Arthur's breath caught as he saw Merlin move back for a moment and they began to whisper to each other, talking softly. Merlin whispered something; an incantation, and his eyes glowed gold for a moment. The King waited, still holding his breath, unsure of what exactly Merlin had done, and silently wondering if perhaps Merlin had cast a love-spell on his sister.

But then he opened his hand to reveal a small red rose, produced seemingly from nowhere. He smiled freely as he reached up and slid it in between her long dark curls, and then said something to her; too quiet for Arthur to hear. Morgana whipsered something back, beaming up at Merlin. Trying not to stare, Arthur pondered on how he couldn't ever really recall that kind of happiness painted on her face in such a perfect, blissful expression; not even when they were children.

Trying to take in everything without being too overwhelmed, Arthur turned to leave as he threw his coat around his shoulders. But as he turned, he stopped short, his eyes widening in horror. Right in front of him, at the end of the hall stood a peasant – the same one as before – covered in blood and bruises. The young boy, whose clothes were torn and stained, lifted his head and looked up at Arthur with an expression of so much sadness that he felt a painful twang of compassion in his heart.

"Morgana!" he called, turning to glance at his sister, who was now alone, for assistance.

Hearing the frenzied tone of his voice, Morgana appeared from behind the pillar quickly looking concerned. But when Arthur turned back to look at the young peasant boy, once again, he'd disappeared. Arthur's frantic eyes scanned the hall, searching for some sign that he'd really been there as Morgana's hand gripped his arm gently.

"Yes?"

He turned to Morgana, bewildered and dismayed. "Er... nothing," he muttered, quietly wondering if he could be going mad.

She looked up at him, then at door, where his gaze had been fixed on only a moment ago, somewhat concerned. "Arthur?"

Forcing a smile, his mind buzzing with all kinds of questions, Arthur just answered, "Nevermind. It's nothing, sorry."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – I didn't mean to make another fluffy chapter, but I've got more to fit in than I realised. I hope you like it anyway... twists and angst to come! Also – spellcheck isn't working on my computer anymore, so I apologise for any typos/errors I may have missed!**

**WORDS: 3000**

**WARNINGS: None.**

_CHAPTER 5_

"You know Arthur, you really should comb your hair." Guinevere teased as she looked at him from across their bedchambers.

Arthur smiled. She was sat at her dressing table in her nightdress, taking the last of her hair pieces out and running it thought with a bush. Still overwhelmed with a feeling of happiness, the King gazed affectionately at his wife as he stood, leaning against the bedpost.

"You know how much I love you Guinevere." he said, "I can't even put it into words. You're just... amazing."

Somewhat taken aback, Gwen smiled, "I know," she replied, "And I love you too, Arthur."

"No, I mean... really; I love you more than anything in this world. No matter what changes in my life, you're always there. I know I can always count on you to fall in love with over and over again every day. Sometimes I want to pinch myself because it seems too good to be true!" he marvelled as he walked towards her slowly and took hold of her hands.

Leaning in, Arthur bent down and kissed her; planting his lips firmly against hers. When they pulled apart, both smiling, he suddenly lifted her up in his arms and carried her towards the bed.

"Are you alright?" she asked, trying to contain a giggle. "What's prompted this sudden display of affection?"

But in reply, Arthur moved in and kissed her again, gripping her tight as he placed her gently down on the bed. Running kisses slowly down her neck, Arthur eventually spoke.

"Everything's perfect." he whispered, "I couldn't wish for anything more. I have a perfect Kingdom with the perfect family and the perfect wife."

Gwen raised her eyebrows. "Oh yes?"

Arthur nodded in return, grinning. "Yes. You see, she's got these perfect brown eyes. And she's got this perfect little look she gives me when she's surprised – yes, just like that!" he giggled. "And she's got this perfect little array of freckles along her nose. Perfect button nose, perfect ears, perfect dark and curly hair... perfect lips. Yes... your lips..." he trailed off as he gently lifted her chin and planted his lips on hers again, pressing them together.

"And this perfect skin," he mumbled as he began trailing kisses down her neck again, "A perfect neck... a perfect collar bone." he mused as he kissed that too.

Gwen, still bemused as to what brought on Arthur's jolly mood, but thoroughly enjoying herself nonethelesss, began to giggle as Arthur continued. Eventually, he reached her chest, where he began teasing the materal of her dress on the bust-line.

"And these breasts... yes, they're rather wonderful, beautiful, perfect breasts too." he finished, as he began to slowly untie her fastenings from the back and slip the long red dress down over her shoulders, exposing her torso.

Smiling, he took off his shirt and began kissing her again as they both rolled over into the middle of the bed; perfectly intwined...

Arthur didn't get out of bed until late the following morning. When he awoke, the sun was already beaming clear through the window and he could hear Guinevere moving about on the other side of the room.

He sighed heavily. He knew he should have awoken sooner, but he was used to Merlin's clanging about distrubing his morning and waking him up. Yawning, Arthur closed his eyes again and lay back into the bed; sinking his head back into the soft pillow that cushioned it. He smiled to himself as he lay there, lazing about. So far he hadn't rudely awakened to find all of this was a dream. All was well.

Groaning, he pulled himself out of bed and, throwing the sheets back, he stood up. Stretching as he spoke, he called over to Guinevere.

"Yes?" she responded, appearing from behind the screen, fully dressed and ready to leave.

Arthur squinted. "What time is it?"

"Too late for you to be wasting anymore time!" she responded, giving him a look. "I'm going downstairs to finish up the preparations, are you going to join me?"

He paused, racking his brains. When nothing occurred to him, he responded, "Preparations?"

Gwen looked at him for a moment as though she couldn't believe she'd ended up marrying... _that_. "Arthur you can't be serious." she said. When he didn't respond, she gave an exasperated sigh, "Really Arthur, what's gotten into you lately? That you'd forget your own mother's birthday!"

Arthur cleared his throat. "Mother's birthday! Right, yes of course. I'm sorry, I er... you're right, I've not been myself, I'm sorry. I've just got a few things on my mind, but it's all sorted now."

Moving towards her, Arthur took Guinevere's hand and pulled her closer. She smiled up at him eventually, then placed a short kiss on his lips. "I need to go down. You'll join me in a few minutes?"

Arthur nodded, then, as she turned to leave, added. "Actually, I wanted to talk to Morgana this morning. I'll be down in a short while."

She nodded and left, leaving Arthur alone in the chambers to get dressed and clear his head.

After getting combing his hair and putting on his jacket, he had breakfast then made his way towarsd Morgana's chambers. It wasn't that he didn't believe it was real, or that he didn't really trust her. He'd got a lot of answers from his mother, but not everything he wanted to know. Morgana had been like a sister to him his entire life, but for the last few years even the thought of her had been nothing but painful. To have her here was a novelty, and he wasn't going to waste it; even if he did have her here everyday.

Pausing at the door to her old chambers; where he assumed she'd still be living, he took a deep breath, then knocked.

"Come in!" he heard her unmistakable voice from the opposite side of the door.

Pushing the creaky wooden door open slowly, he edged into the room. "Morgana..." he breathed, a huge grin starting to spead arcross his face upon seeing her. He couldn't help it; it was going to take a long time to get used to the sight of her again! "May I come in?" he managed, taking another deep breath and rubbing his eyes in the fight against the tears he could feel welling up.

"Arthur!" she smiled, then nodded, "Of course."

Moving over to the table and pouring our a goblet of clean water, she sat down on one of the chairs. "Can I do something for you?"

"No... i-if you're busy," he stuttered, "I can come back another time."

Chuckling, Morgana replied, "No, Arthur it's fine!" Then she motioned towards the other chair placed at the end of the table and extended her arm, offering him the goblet.

Arthur sat, taking the water from her with a smile. Looking around for a moment, he couldn't help but notice how different her chambers looked. There was more of an air of personality to them than he remembered. Not that he was in them often, but there were various objects hanging from the ceiling over the window and something about the place just felt... _different_. As he sat there, gazing at the décor, he couldn't help but wonder if some of the items were charms or magical instruments of some kind. Though still a little uncomfortable with the thought, it would hardly surprise him.

"You know Arthur as much as I pretend to hate you most of the time, I do care about you. And I can tell that something is going on, even if you won't admit it to Gwen or your mother. What's is it?" she asked, then with a smirk, added, "Little brother."

Arthur chuckled. "I couldn't really say..." he answered, rubbing his eyebrow. He paused for a moment, considering it, then took a deep breath and decided to go with it. "Morgana... it's a fair bet you know a little about magic, right? What with you and Merlin being, you know... and all."

She suppressed a giggle. "Yes, I suppose you could say that. I'm no expert, but I'll do my best."

"What do you know about Djinns?"

Morgana's eyebrows furrowed as she thought for a moment. "A 'djinn'?" she paused, thinking. Eventually she sighed and said, "I don't recall ever hearing anything about it... Sorry."

He nodded slowly. He didn't really know what he'd expected; certainly not a fully comprehensive answer to all this. In any case, he didn't want to pry too much. As Gaius has once said – _'Don't question every blessing. No good ever comes of it.'_

"Why the sudden interest in magical lore?" she pryed.

Arthur shrugged. "What if... what if you were offered a second chance; at everything. You know, if one thing in your life changed and everything suddenly was different. All the mistakes you made, all the hurt; it was all gone?"

"The idea of a life without pain is a tempting one," she mused, then added, with a puzzled expression, "but I don't really know what you mean."

"Nevermind." he mumbled, dismissing it. Chaning the subject after a momentarily awkward silence, he chimed, "So... mother's birthday!"

"I can't wait until this evening! I know the entertainment this afternoon should be thrilling, but it's time together that she cherishes." she replied. "I know you tried to convince her to have a feast, but... a small meal together is what Igraine's always loved; time together as a family."

Arthur nodded, and though he didn't intend to say it aloud, he mumbled, "You really love her don't you?"

A little taken aback, Morgana smiled. "Yes, I do. She's like a mother to me. She's always been there for me."

Arthur once again broke out into a smile, and they continued talking for some time as the morning wore on. Eventually, the conversation turned to his father and Arthur was rather astounded to hear her say that she missed Uther sometimes.

"He did love us, even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye." she said, taking another sip from her goblet. "We had our difficulties, but we cared about each other... even if he didn't know how to show it. You were always his favourite!" she joked, "But you know... you've done an almost decent job as king!" she laughed. Then, as the moment passed and her smile faded, she added, in a serious tone, "He'd be proud of you Arthur. As proud as Igraine is... Which is why we should make today the happiest day of her life; she's done a lot for us and it's not been easy for her, without Uther. She hasn't got anyone like you have Gwen, or I Merlin. I want to make her happy."

Arthur nodded. "He means a lot to you, doesn't he?" he added.

"Hm?"

"Merlin."

Morgana's eyes lit up at the mention of his name, as though she'd been waiting to talk about him all morning. Biting her lip in an attempt to supress her beaming smile, she nodded. "He does. He's helped me through so much! I know you don't approve, but he was there for me when no one else could be. He taught me that my magic wasn't something to be afraid of; it was something to be loved, to be cherished and used. I've never known anyone like him, and I've never felt this way about anyone..."

"What would make you think I don't approve?" he asked.

Morgana opened her mouth to reply, but found nothing really came out. She sighed, about to say something else, but Arthur interrupted.

"Morgana – I couldn't be happier! You're here and you're with someone who makes you happy, who makes you feel safe and loved! He's clearly head over heels for you... just... let me know if he breaks your heart and I'll hunt him down." he added with a slightly awkward laugh.

But she giggled with a geniune sparkle in her eyes as she replied, "Thank you, Arthur. It means a lot to you that you'll put everything aside." Arthur's smile wavered for a moment, but she spoke again before he could ask anything more. "Well this has been... nice. I'm glad you're okay. But I'm afraid I've talked the entire morning away! I have a meeting with Lady Dawane soon, I can't be late."

Arthur stood rather abruptly, bowing his head quickly. "Of course, I'm sorry to take up so much time. I suppose I'll see you this evening." he said.

She nodded to him, then he turned and left.

The meal that evening was better than he could have ever imagined. The afternoon's entertainment, which apparently, he had organised, was spectacular, and to see Igraine laughing was worth everything he was willing to give. The evening banquet the few of them shared was a far more low-key but an intimate and precious time for not just Igraine, but the others as well.

He watched as Morgana and Merlin, who were sitting next to each other, exchanged glances again and shared a few moments of contact which lasted a little longer than necessary. He held Guinevere's hand and fought back tears of joy when he saw his mother's face at receiving the golden necklace from Merlin.

"It's made from the shell of a Dragon's egg, forged in the flames of it's first breath, and then cooled in the tears of its keeper. It's incredibly poweful, Igraine – it will bring protection and peace to you, when you least expect it. When you need help, it will come to you."

Igraine, who seemed quite overwhelmed, stood up as a maid appeared to help her tie it behind her hair. She touched it gently and exlciamed, "It feels so warm against my fingers!"

Merlin nodded and she beamed at him; a silent thank you that was so heart-felt Arthur was more touched than he could really express.

"Trust Merlin to have done me up like that!" Morgana suddenly said as someone appeared behind her with her gift. Handing it to Igraine personally, she smiled and added, "It's not powerful but I know it's pretty precious to you."

Igraine had to supress a beaming grin again as she unwrapped a small but ornate mirror. She sighed heavily, holding it to her chest for a moment. "The very first mirror I gave you!"

Morgana nodded, "You remember the fun we had that day. I thought something with so many fond memories would be appreciated."

"It's perfect, thank you." she replied.

Then Guinevere stood up, nodding to the servant, who brought her a box. She then handed it to Igraine, smiling and said, "It was Arthur's idea."

As Igraine opened the box, she broke out into a smile again and looked up at Gwen, then to Arthur. He, with no clue what could be in the box, leaned in closer, looking a little clueless.

Then Igraine lifted something from the box Arthur hadn't seen in a long time. It was Uther's neckpiece. He'd worn it practically every waking moment as King that Arthur could remember. But what Igraine held in her hand was the main piece, now held together with the other jewels by a delicate but pretty chain. It had been fashioned into a bracelet!

"Thank you!" she said, her hand on her chest as she looked around at the company. Then, sitting down, she reached for her goblet and everyone else followed suit.

Everyone then turned to Arthur and waited expectantly. Suddenly realising they were expecting a few words, he stood up clumsily and took hold of his goblet. "Mother," he said, now fighting back tears as he cleared his throat. "I cannot imagine my life without you. It would be... well, nothing would be the same. You've changed my life in ways you can't even imagine, and I can't express how glad I am to have you; all of you," he said, gesturing to his wife and the others sitting around the table; Morgana, Merlin and his mother, "here, with me to celebrate this. I am blessed beyond reconning! Happy birthday, mother. I hope you have so many more to come!"

There were a few claps and everyone beamed up at him as he nodded, looking his mother in the eye, then took a long gulp from the goblet of wine in his hand. As he sat down and the cups hit the table, Morgana cleared her throat.

"I hate to steal the occasion," she said, pausing for a moment to look at Merlin as he took her hand in his. "But we have an announcement ourselves and I can think of no place better to tell than here, with you all."

Arthur and Gwen exchanged glances and then Merlin spoke. "We are engaged to be married."

Arthur's face dropped and he felt his jaw hit the floor. There was a moment of silence as the surprise hit them, then everyone burst out into jubilant smiles and declarations of happiness. Looking from one to the other, Arthur marvelled at the sight of them; Merlin and Morgana, _together_.

When the commotion died down, Guinevere too had something to say. She took Arthur's hand and spoke across the table, "We're so happy for you two, honestly. It's so wonderful to see ones we love coming together. But on the subject of good news... Arthur and I have an announcement to make as well. There will soon be a new member of this family to join us!"

Silence settled for a moment and Arthur turned to Gwen with a bewildered look on his face. Beaming at him, she continued, turning to look at the others.

"I am with child!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – I know this chapter is really angsty and there's probably far too much dialogue, but oh well – here it is! I hope you like it as much as the previous chapters. Thank you so much for all the reviews; the feedback is really useful and it keeps me going!**

**Words: 2500**

**Warnings: None (unless you count a little angst)**

_CHAPTER 6_

Arthur turned to Gwen, absolutely dumbfounded. Eventually, he managed to splutter, "We are?!"

A moment of silence in the room followed as Gwen looked at him, bemused. Then Arthur sighed, beaming. "We are!" he exclaimed, "We're having a child!"

He then, rather unexpectedly, reached out and embraced her in a passionate kiss. When they pulled apart, he saw Merlin and Morgana exchanging pleasantly bemused faces.

"Well!" Arthur announced, "This is... this is wonderful! We should bring out the best wine to celebrate!"

"Oh, Arthur, I couldn't," Igraine replied, standing up. "Tonight has been absolutely wonderful; I can't thank you enough. But it's late and I must retire or I fear I'll fall asleep right here!"

"Of course," Gwen said, taking Igraine's hand and kissing her cheek. "Have a good night my Lady."

Arthur smiled as he nodded to his mother, then turned. As his gaze shifted to the other side of the room his expression dropped and he felt his heart stop for a moment in his chest. The peasant boy, still blooded and bruised was standing there again, plain as day.

With his heart now pounding, Arthur stared, unable to move away his eyes and called, "Guards!"

"Arthur?" Morgana asked as he felt her touch his arm, but he wouldn't tear his gaze away. Not this time. "Arthur what's wrong?" she asked, stepping closer.

And then he was gone. Just like that – a guard stepped into the path of his vision and the boy disappeared.

"Arthur?" she asked again.

He turned to her, looking confused and scared.

Her brow furrowed with concern. "What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head slowly. "Nothing, it's er... it's nothing. I'm sorry." then he lifted his head to address the company that was now staring at him with some concern. "Forgive me, I must retire." he added. And with that he left.

It wasn't a delusion, he knew what he'd seen. There was something going on – something he couldn't explain, and he needed answers. Either he was going mad; which was a concept far too terrifying for him to accept, or there was something inexplicable, some form of sorcery going on here that was interrupting his perfect world. He should have known – nothing is perfect. Merlin had warned him – '_such things always come with a cost_'. Only now he wasn't sure what exactly this had cost him, and the idea that someone might be suffering for the sake of his dream was one he couldn't bear.

He needed answers, and the only person he could think to go to was Gaius. He was the only one who would listen to him and not ridicule him for his fears or think him mad. Arthur had known him all his life and he'd always been there when anyone needed him.

So why now, of all times, could he not find him? When Arthur came to the old man's chambers, he found the main room void of any person, just as it had been when he'd come searching for Merlin. But now that he took more notice of it, he could tell something was different. The place looked odd, and though Arthur couldn't explain exactly what it was that he felt off-putting about the place, it was definitely not the same room he'd entered almost every week for a good many years.

The work-surface Gaius usually used was now littered with all kinds of instruments and old papers that looked completely unfamiliar to him. The bed he usually slept in was in an entirely different place in the room. Something was definitely off.

"Can I help you, your majesty?"

Taken by surprise, Arthur jumped at the sound, but he soon regained himself and turned to the direction the voice had come from. There in the doorway stood a tall, thin old man Arthur had no recollection of ever seeing before.

"Who are you?" he asked in return.

The old man chuckled nervously, then said, "Oh, sire! You always were quite the jester!" as he walked past Arthur and towards the work surface, where he began fiddling about with some sort of potion.

"No, really. Who are you?" Arthur asked again, "What are you doing here? Where's Gaius?"

"Gaius?" the old man stopped his work and looked up sadly. "My lord, Gaius hasn't lived here for seven years."

"Well where is he then?"

"Well, sire... he's dead."

Arthur's breath caught as the words hit him. "Dead?" then he smiled, unsure of what else to do, convinced this must be some sort of joke. "You can't be serious?"

"Oh my lord, I am!" he replied solemnly. "You know as well as I, he died many years ago, when he fell from that balcony!" The old man pointed up towards the railing above Arthur's head, where a large but now empty bookshelf stood.

Arthur began to shake his head again. This couldn't be happening. Gaius, _dead_?

"No, that's not possible."

"I'm sorry sire..." the old man attempted, but Arthur turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. This couldn't be happening!

His head burning with questions, Arthur made his way down the steps, and as he picked up the pace and started to run, he tried to collect his frantic thoughts. He didn't stop running until he reached the outer wall of the palace, near the vaults. There, exposed to the cold night air and taking long, heavy breaths, he leaned back against the wall.

How could his mother's death have possibly affected Gaius life? He'd fallen from the balcony! Unable to put any of this together, Arthur eventually slid down the side of the wall and sat on the grass.

After sitting there for some time, trying to contemplate some sort of possible explanation, he let out a long sigh. Answers, it seemed, would have to wait until tomorrow. Perhaps Merlin could shed some light on the matter. He, after all, was closest to Gaius. Surely he'd know.

When he eventually returned to his chambers, some considerable time later, a worried wife was waiting for him.

"Arthur!" she exclaimed when he entered the room. "Where were you? We were all worried about you! _I_ was worried about you."

As she wrapped her arms around his neck, Arthur held her hands tightly. "I know, I'm sorry." he mumbled. "I er, I just need to clear my head. You should go to bed, I'll join you in a few minutes."

Nodding slowly, Gwen eventually let him go. "Sir Leon left these papers," she said, gently touching the pile of parchment on the table beside them. Arthur nodded in reply and she kissed him on the cheek before heading towards the bed.

Arthur sighed heavily as he sat down at the table. His mind was still racing, searching for some kind of answer. What was he to do now? Whether he could wrap his head around it or not, the truth rang clear, still echoing in his ears -_ 'he died many years ago, when he fell from that balcony'_.

Rubbing his eyes, he let out a long, deep breath. Then he slowly picked up the first piece of parchment on the pile and began reading through it. But as he came to the last few lines on the page, he noticed a discrepancy. Huffing, he read the previous paragraph again to check if it was a miscalculation. Only there he noticed another figure that was far off what he'd expect too. As his eyes began to scan the page quickly, more and more things jumped out to him; figures that couldn't be possible, names that were wrong – everything about these papers were incorrect!

Tossing it aside, Arthur picked up the next piece of paper and began reading through that. The further down the page he got, the more frantic he became, until he'd waded half-way through the pile of parchments and eventually had to come to a stop. This wasn't right. Nothing about this was right.

"Arthur? Where are you going?" Gwen called after him as he stood up, fumbling with the pages and headed toward the door.

"I'm just going to see Leon. There's some mistakes in these papers he wants me to sign, that's all."

He flashed an unconvincing smile.

"Can't it wait till morning?" she pleaded. But he was already gone.

When Arthur reached Leon's chambers, he was somewhat surprised to find him still awake, and proceeded inside without invitation.

"Sire!" Leon stood up straight away, looking surprised as the King marched in.

"Leon, there's something... wrong. These figures, they're... they can't be right!" he said plainly as he tossed the papers onto the table.

Sir Leon paused for a moment, then stumbled over his words. "My lord, they're... I've been over them twice! We agreed on all the figures in there last week, I checked them myself, Arthur!"

Instead of replying, Arthur reached over to the table and rummaged through the papers until he found the right one. "Look, here!" he said, picking up one piece of parchment and thrusting his finger at it almost desperately. "These taxes – they're twice as high as they should be! Taxes were never that harsh! And here, again," he added, motioning to another page, "This population figures and land ownership drafts, they're... they're all wrong!"

As Arthur went through the papers and pointed out each mistake, Sir Leon began to tense with concern, which showed on his face as he stared, glancing back and forth between Arthur and the parchments on the table.

"My lord, these are the figures we agreed on in last week's council meeting! Look, sire," he said, reaching over to another pile of parchments on the table and peeling one out from under the rest. "Your own signature, sire!" When Arthur just looked at him blankly, clearly shocked to see his own signature on the paper, Leon continued, "Arthur we need more money for our military if we're to protect our borders all the way to the river of Ayned!"

Arthur swallowed hard. "Leon, the river of Ayned lies in Annis' land!"

Sir Leon stopped, staring at Arthur for a moment as though trying to figure out if he was joking or not. "My lord..." he eventually managed. "Annis' land was entirely wiped out three years ago! You know that! When we took control, after defeating Meneth, the population influx from the survivors meant we had to raise taxes – to care for them all and her land."

"Meneth?" Arthur swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment, as though afraid to speak for fear of what reply would reach his ears. "The sorcerer? But we caught him! He was executed years ago!"

His eyes now darting back and forth as his thoughts became more frantic, Arthur excused himself and left. He marched down to the library, muttering to himself the entire way...

This couldn't be right! They'd caught that sorcerer _years_ ago! He'd tried to pass, unnoticed through Camelot, but when approached by the red Knights, he'd attacked using his magic and was later executed for his crimes! It was hardly a particularly memorable affair. Still unable to believe or accept any of what he had heard, the dark realisation that if there were no laws against magic, this sorcerer could have passed unnoticed into someone else's land – into Annis' land – and wiped out an entire Kingdom, began to settle in.

Arthur felt sick. But as he rummaged noisily through the papers and numerous documents set before him in the dimly lit library, the truth was before him, inked into parchment after parchment. The proof was all there – for all the bad his father's ban on magic may have caused, clearly it had done some good. And everything that'd he'd prevented, everything good that he'd accomplished was gone. Gaius was dead. Annis was dead. Her entire Kingdom; tens of thousands of innocent citizens... all gone. Wiped out in the blink of an eye!

Arthur had never been an especially sentimental man, and he'd never had any special love for Annis – more of a respect from one monarch to another. But as Arthur read through the accounts from the attack, the stories the survivors had told, and the military's report, he found his vision blurred with tears.

The attack had been swift and completely unexpected. It was unprovoked and they never stood a chance, not against a sorcerer and his band of followers, who in only a few short days had completely desecrated Annis' entire Kingdom. It was with the help of Merlin, and the Dragon Order, that Meneth and his men were captured and brought to justice. But the damage was already done; they were too late. Annis and all her family were dead; there was no heir to take her place on the throne, leaving the country without anyone to govern them. The survivors from the city gave harrowing accounts of what happened; most of them had lost children or siblings or parents, and they were grateful to Camelot and Arthur's help. So, the reports told, Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table had agreed to take the remaining civilians under their protection and expand their border to the edge of Annis' former land...

Blinking rapidly to stop himself from crying, Arthur stood up, letting the paper fall to the ground as the information sank in. He could picture it – the battle between the sorcerers and the Knights. The words of the refugees still whirled around in his head; accounts of destruction, suffering and countless murders.

For a moment there was total silence. Even Geoffrey, the bookkeeper, had retired to bed quite some time ago. Everything was still and the King could even feel the blood rushing in his ears.

Then he cried out. He thrashed out, swinging his arm round and sent all the documents flying. They scattered and began to fall slowly to the ground, but before a single one settled, Arthur screamed again as he upturned the table, unable to contain his emotions any longer.

"It's not fair!" he screamed as he launched several frustrated blows at the nearby bookshelf, sending several old books to the ground. "It's _not fair_!"

As the clutter began to settle, Arthur paused, taking a few deep breaths. Then he collapsed against the wall as he slid down to the ground. He was reacting like a child and he knew he should have known better, but right now he didn't care. Why did it have to be like this? Could he stay here now, knowing this? Everything was so perfect! It was all he'd ever wanted – his perfect world! And it had been ruined!

If this was his wish – his stupidity in going in alone to find the Djinn, in letting down his guard, that had caused his mother to never die; if he'd created this world through his own selfish desires and the Djinn's magic, wasn't he too responsible for all of these people's lives? Gaius? Annis? Tens of thousands of innocent people, and their blood was on his hands.

Arthur left the library as the very first glimpse of sunlight began to peak over the treetops on the horizon. His head clouded with emotion and unable to form any coherent or sensible thoughts, he wondered, weary and broken-hearted back to his chambers...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N – new chapter, hope you like it. More angst – yay! It's getting harder and harder to write because I know where it's going and I don't want to take it there... I hope you'll love it all the same. Please leave reviews, I love to know what you think, and it keeps me going! :)**

**Words: 2300**

**Warnings: None.**

_CHAPTER 7_

When Guinevere awoke early that morning, she instantly noticed the empty space in the bed beside her. As she reached out with her arm in search of him, the sheets felt cold against her skin and she opened her eyes instantly. Sitting up quickly, she looked around frantically. She sighed heavily when she noticed Arthur sitting across the room at the head of the table, staring pensively out the window.

"Arthur?" she asked, throwing back the bed sheets and standing up. "Are you alright?"

As she approached him, she noticed the tears still swimming in his eyes and her brow furrowed with concern. She reached out and touched his shoulder, but he didn't react.

"Arthur?" she asked again, growing evermore worried. "What's wrong? I didn't hear you come in last night and the bed was empty when I woke up... where were you?"

Arthur took a deep breath, then, as though suddenly noticing she was there, he looked up at Gwen and forced a smile. "Guinevere." He breathed.

"Did you get _any_ sleep last night?"

Arthur shook his head briefly and she sighed. Why was he doing this to himself? She hadn't seen him this unsettled in years and with all that had happened over the past few days, she was beginning to grow very concerned.

"I'm fine, Guinevere. Thank you." He said, standing up slowly. He looked down at her, then embraced her in a tender, gentle hug.

She responded by wrapping her arms around his waste and pressing her cheek against his chest as she sighed. "I'm worried about you Arthur."

"I'm fine." He kissed her forehead as he pulled away, "I've just ... I've got a lot on my mind at the moment."

A moment of silence that could have lasted an eternity engulfed them as she looked up into his eyes, searching, but he couldn't bear to return her gaze. Instead, he sat back down in the chair and eventually, he spoke, rather unexpectedly, as Gwen began to turn away. "You lost your mother, didn't you?"

She turned, surprised at the question, but answered, "Yes. She died when I was fifteen."

"And if you could go back? If you could change that one thing that you wished you didn't have to lose; if you could have your mother back, would you do it?" Gwen opened her mouth answer, but found nothing came out. She sighed, but before she could say anything, Arthur continued. "Even if it meant that to have her back, you would have to sacrifice a Kingdom?"

"Arthur I would love to have my mother back. And I would give almost anything..." she replied slowly, "But... why should one life be more important than any others?"

"You mean more to me than this entire Kingdom." Arthur replied, looking up at her. "And I'm so glad I don't have to make that choice..."

Gwen's eyes filled with worry as she gazed down at her husband, trying to suss him out. But before she could open her mouth to say anything more, Arthur stood up abruptly, smiling. "Nevermind, it's nothing. I'm just over-thinking." He chimed.

She nodded wearily, knowing better than to pry. If he was upset, he'd talk when he was ready and pestering him with questions wasn't going to do anything other than get them both worked up. Instead she gave him a smile, whispered, "I love you." And then made her way over to the screen, where she began to undress.

Already dressed, not having changed since last night, he paused for a moment, considering what he should do for one moment more, before standing, grabbing his jacket, and leaving the room abruptly.

Guinevere was the love of his life, and so far she was the only constant in this confusion of worlds he'd somehow got messed up in. But she would think him insane if he told her what was really going on. Even Morgana would probably laugh, and how could he possibly speak to his mother of this? No, there was only one person he needed to talk to, who he _could_ talk to – Merlin.

Even if things were different here, Merlin was always the one to give him that much needed advice when he was lost; even when he didn't want it, Merlin always had something to say. And as stupid as he was at times, there was a lot of wisdom behind the things he said, and though Arthur never liked to admit it, he was wise far beyond his years. Right now Arthur would just have to swallow his pride and ask him for help. He needed him now more than ever.

After first venturing into the chambers he was informed belonged to Merlin, only find them empty, Arthur eventually found Merlin in Morgana's chambers, some time later. When he entered, unnanounced, their smiles faltered for a moment.

"Arthur? Can I help you?" she asked.

"Actually, it's Merlin I wanted to talk to." He replied, turning to look at him. "If you have a moment." He added.

"I'll be out in a minute." Merlin replied shortly.

Arthur waited outside for a few minutes, getting restless as he began to bounce on the balls of his feet, holding his hands together behind his back. Eventually, both Merlin and Morgana emerged, and she smiled at him for a moment before letting go of Merlin's hand and continuing down the corridor.

Both of them still standing just outside the door to Morgana's chambers, Merlin looked up at Arthur and asked, "What is it?"

"Merlin, I er…" he began, but wavered for a moment, unsure exactly how to start such a conversation. "What do you know about Djinns?"

"Djinns? Nothing... I don't recall the name, why?"

"I need your help, Merlin."

But before Arthur could say anymore, he was interrupted. "Why are you coming to me for it, sire?"

Arthur paused, momentarily taken aback. "Because you're my friend. And I don't have anyone else to turn to. Now – what if... what if there were a magical creature that could create another, alternate world for you; where one small detail was altered and it changed everything? Would it... would it be possible? Could you get back?"

Merlin looked up at the King for some time, as though studying him. Eventually, in a cold voice he replied, "Are you mocking me, Arthur?"

"What? No, Merlin, I'm being serious! People's lives are at stake; I need your help!"

"You've not been yourself the past few days." Merlin said, his voice cold and calculated. "If there's something wrong maybe you should consult the physician."

As he turned to leave, Arthur caught his arm, now hurt more than confused. "Why are you being like this? What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_?" Merlin replied, scoffing, looking down at Arthur's hand, still gripping his forearm.

Relinquishing his grip apologetically, Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes and then it suddenly hit him; he could now see what it was he hadn't quite been able to place before – there was a dark bitterness festering behind those blue eyes that he'd once known as so full of life. It was so un-Merlin like and made Arthur feel acutely uncomfortable.

"Arthur for the past few days your behaviour has been completely unexplainable and unpredictable. First, you show interest in my work, you pretend you know nothing of my family in an attempt to actually engage with me in a friendly conversation. You announce you're _happy_ at my engagement with Morgana, and since then you've kept treating me as though we're long lost friends."

Arthur paused for a moment as the realisation of what was happening finally dawned on him. "So... we're not friends?" he asked, his voice suddenly so small.

Merlin scoffed. "Your majesty, in the past few years we've barely spoken a single word to each other! Why come to me now all of a sudden?"

"Because I need your help!" he urged, but Merlin laughed mirthlessly for a moment, turning away as he nodded, rubbing his hand across his mouth for a moment.

"You need my help?" he replied darkly, "You know, that's what you said last time and all my friends ended up dead. You _always_ need my help. Do this, Emrys, do that Emrys. Help me here, go there, put your life on the line Emrys, help me finish this work Emrys! You treated me like I was a servant! You've always treated me like I was something to be walked all over, ever since your father appointed me Court Sorcerer and _personal attaché_ to his prince as reward for saving your life. But unlike your sister, Arthur, your wealth and rank has given you nothing but pride and arrogance, and for years you mistreated me with it. The only times you'd ever speak to me – _'I need your help'_! So you'll forgive me if this time, I say no."

"Merlin... I..." Arthur began, but found he was lost for words.

"And that's another thing! Since when do you call me 'Merlin'? You've always used my Court Official name, ever since I was appointed the position." Merlin snapped.

"Right." Arthur nodded, ashamedly struggling to hold back the pain threatening to spill out as tears. "Of course. You're right, erm... Emrys. I'm sorry..."

As Arthur searched in Merlin's eyes for some sign of the love and warmth he'd known, Merlin stared back with a cold, bitter look. Eventually he turned and walked away, leaving Arthur standing there in the corridor, suddenly feeling more alone than ever, and completely unsure of what to do. Biting his lip as he fought back tears at the devastating revelation, on top of everything else he'd discovered, that Merlin didn't care for him at all.

Nodding slowly, Arthur turned and walked away down the hall.

Uther's grave was, as per tradition, out in the Field of Sorrows, just outside of the citadel. Of course, it would eventually be moved to the vaults under Camelot's great city and a hidden monument built for him to rest with the Kings of Old in the dark, there. But Arthur was thankful for the seclusion he found when he ventured out to that field as night drew in.

He hadn't eaten all day, and he knew Guinevere was worried about him. But he'd cancelled all his meetings, he'd cancelled everything. He just needed to be alone. Spending most of the day in the forest, alone had offered him some solace, but no matter how far away he ran, he couldn't escape the fact that he was stuck in this world that was, that _could_ have been so perfect. Only now it wasn't...

He approached his father's tombstone with only the light of the moon for guidance. Still, even as the dark drew in, he could make out his father's name, engraved onto the large boulder that stood at the head of his grave. There was grass, and small flowers even, growing up out of the earth under which he lay. Arthur wasn't really sure what to think – he hadn't approached his father's grave before, in the Camelot he'd lived in; it was too painful. But now... now everyone he knew and loved was different. Everything had changed and he needed some guidance.

"It's not fair..." Arthur sighed, his breath visible as the cold settled in. "Why did this have to happen? Why did any of this have to happen? All of these people – Gaius, Annis, all of her Kingdom; thousands of innocent lives... they're all dead. And then there's this peasant boy who's... _haunting_ me – he's everywhere I go but at the same time I can't ever seem to find him. I don't know what it means. I don't know what to do..."

Arthur felt a chill pass over him as the night drew on and he continued standing there, no longer fighting back the pain and the tears that pushed against his defences. He had to be strong. His father would want him to be. But he wasn't _this_ strong...

"Of course, I know what you'd say! Magical creatures that do this are evil, they aren't to be trusted. I have to hunt it – get it to return me to the Camelot I know... You'd say that I cannot sacrifice everyone's lives for my happiness, that my duty is to my people, that because I'm King... being happy isn't part of the job!" his voice began to get louder until it reached its crescendo and fell quiet again. Taking a deep breath, and blinking slowly, Arthur continued. "You'd like it here. You know, a little happiness wouldn't have hurt you. Of course, I mean the _you_ you, not the 'here' you... he sounds like a completely different man to the father I knew... But that's why I wish I could keep it! Knowing you were happy, knowing..." he broke off again and took a moment to wipe the tear from his cheek.

"Why can't I stay? Why shouldn't I be allowed to be happy? Everything is how we always wanted! I'm married, I'm expecting a _child_! Morgana is here, she's still with us and she's... she's so happy, father! She's engaged to Merlin! And mother... my mother is still alive. You know I always wanted that, even if I never spoke about it. I know you wanted her back too. And she's here – I've finally got what I want! ...But at what cost?" Another tear fell, which Arthur again brushed away with his hand as he continued, "I can't face the thought that all of those people's lives are on my shoulders. And it's my fault; I shouldn't have gone into that cave alone... but why is it my job to always save everyone?! Can I not have this moment of happiness without it being ruined, without..."

Arthur broke off for the last time as his voice cracked. He stood for a moment, staring down through the darkness at Uther's gravestone. Then, nodding and wiping the tears from his eyes, Arthur sighed heavily. He was the King. This was his job. He knew what he had to do...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – angst warning for this chapter. May or may not have shed some tears while writing it. I really hope you like it as this chapter was particularly challenging and I'm not entirely sure about a few bits. Please leave reviews.**

**Also – it may be a while before the next and final chapter is updated, as it will be the hardest to write and I really want to get it right. I hope you have the patience to wait, it will be worth it, I promise!**

**WARNINGS: None (except for angst... tissues may be useful)**

**WORDS: 3500**

_CHAPTER 8_

Arthur hadn't slept for two days straight and he was absolutely exhausted. But this was important and it couldn't wait. Even if he had retired, he didn't think he'd be able to get any sleep. Guinevere would be worried, but there was little he could do. He'd been to his chambers, and found her sleeping with her head on the table. After leaving a note explaining that he needed some time to work something out, but assuring her there was no reason for worry, he'd left without waking her. There was no reason to drag her into this. No one believed him and this once perfect world was caving in around him. He knew what he had to do.

Now sitting, pouring over all the old spell books he find, describing magical creatures and fearsome monsters, Arthur yawned. He'd been here for several hours, but eventually as his tired eyes scanned over the pages, he found what he was looking for. Near the end of the last book he had in front of him was a page with one word neatly titled at the top – 'Djinn'.

It described this creature and its supposed ability to grant wishes. Most of what he read were accounts from various people who claimed to have seen one, along with old folklore about them, but there was very little he could concede as fact. Still, this was the best shot he had.

All he found in search of some defence against it was a small scribble at the bottom of the page that said, "_Do not approach. The Djinn is a highly dangerous creature. To kill it requires the magic of an enchanted object, made of a Dragons shell._'

Arthur blinked slowly.

After reading the same sentence over and over again, he sighed heavily and closed the book. Standing up, he made his way swiftly out of the library and towards the upper end of the castle.

He could not feel worse for stealing a gift given specially to his mother; the one person whom he'd loved enough to force this world into existence, but he had no choice. He was the King of Camelot, and the lives of everyone in this Kingdom were his responsibility. If the Djinn was still out there, it could change this, it could sort it out... It could take him back.

When he entered Igraine's chambers, he was thankful to find her sleeping peacefully rather than awake; it was hard enough taking something from her, he couldn't have dealt with having to face her as he did it. Another mercy was that she had removed the pendant from her neck before going to sleep, and it now lay, glowing softly in the dark, on her dressing table.

As Arthur reached down to pick it up, he was somewhat surprised to find it feeling warm against his hand and when his skin touched it, instantly he was filled with a sense of peace. And yet at the same time, as he turned to look at his mother, he felt a twang of pain in his heart.

Walking over to where she lay, breathing shallowly, he stood at the head of her bed and watched her for a moment. She was so beautiful. As he looked down at her, he couldn't help but wonder how he could ever forget such a face. She was perfect. And to think that he'd lived his whole life; that he'd somehow managed to get by without this angel to guide him, remained a mystery to him now that he had her. And knowing what he was going to do made this all that much harder...

Brushing away the tear rolling down his cheek, Arthur bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Igraine's forehead. Then, taking a deep breath, he waited no longer. As quietly as he could, with the necklace gripped firmly in his right hand, he turned and walked out of the room.

Heading towards the stables, fighting back against more tears that were threatening to surface, Arthur gripped the pendant tighter. Nodding slowly, reassuring himself, he turned the corner and flew down the stairs, heading towards the great oak doors that lead out to the courtyard. But as he turned at the bottom of the steps, he bumped headlong into Merlin.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked as soon as they pulled apart and saw one another. The momentary shock of the moment stunned Arthur into silence and Merlin squinted at him suspiciously. "Your eyes," he said, "You've been crying."

"It's nothing." Arthur replied, moving to avoid Merlin and continue towards the doors, but Merlin moved too, blocking his path.

Something was wrong. He could sit in the King's eyes. And even without all the oddities of Arthur's behaviour these past few days, he would remain suspicious of anyone bustling about the Castle at this time of the night, fully clothed as though ready to go out.

As Arthur grazed him, brushing past him a second time, Merlin gripped his left wrist. Arthur stopped and the Sorcerer opened up Arthur's hand to find Igraine's enchanted necklace resting in his palm. Merlin looked up into his eyes as though waiting for an explanation, but when Arthur didn't even attempt to give one, Merlin spoke.

"_Stealing_, Arthur? You're a lot of things, but I never would have taken you for a thief. Not from your own mother."

"Merlin, please..." he began. Then he pulled his hand free and closed it tightly. Sighing heavily, he looked at Merlin with weary eyes. "Go ahead. Stop me. If you really think that little of me – that I should willingly steal from my loved ones without cause." He spoke with pain in his voice and Merlin could hear how tired he was. He was almost _pleading_.

Shaking his head slightly, Merlin inquired, "What's wrong with you?"

"Look... Merlin," Arthur began, then paused, remembering his 'official' name. Oh to hell with it – he would call him whatever he liked! "I'm sorry we don't get on. I regret that I was so cruel to you and I've caused so much bitterness. And I wish I could stay to fix this; I really do. You are like a brother to me. But... there is something I have to do. So you can try to stop me if you want. But I'm going."

With a pained expression, Arthur backed away from Merlin slowly, as though waiting for him to suddenly cast a spell on him. But when nothing happened, he turned and walked swiftly out of the front gates, down the steps and across the courtyard, leaving Merlin behind, wondering what was going on and why he hadn't tried to stop him...

When Arthur reached the stables, he took one of the cloaks from the stand and draped it around himself. Climbing onto the horse and untying it from its place, he carefully placed the necklace in his pocket and dug his heels into the mare's sides. Almost instantly she reacted and they sped off out of the stables and through the courtyard. But there, Arthur stopped short when met with another unexpected sight.

Merlin was already mounted on a large, brown stallion only a few feet away, in the centre of the courtyard. With a long blue, hooded cloak on, Merlin was clearly ready to ride out.

"Merlin?" Arthur pulled on the horses' reigns and came to a stop just in front of him. "What are you doing?"

The raven-haired man sighed heavily, then looked up at the King. "I'm coming with you." He replied shortly.

Arthur wasn't really sure what to say. After everything he'd learned, this didn't seem like something Merlin would really do.

"Why?" he eventually asked.

"Because..." Merlin sighed heavily, as though it pained him to say it, but still, he managed to get the reluctant words out, "it's my duty. Because, even after everything, we're still... you know." He shrugged, "Anyway, Morgana would have my head if I let any harm come to you!"

Touched by what he'd said, but still wary, Arthur replied, "Merlin... you can't. This is just something I've got to do myself."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "With all due respect, sire... you don't even know how that pendant works. What are you going to do with it? Swing it around your head and hope something happens?"

Arthur laughed. "I'm glad you're here." He ventured, but Merlin replied quickly.

"Don't push your luck, Arthur." He said dully, "I'm not about to start holding hands and singing lullabies! Let's just... get on and do whatever it is you have to do."

Biting back a retort, reminding himself that he had a solemn job to do, Arthur dug his heels into the horse's sides again and both he and Merlin galloped off out of the citadel, with Arthur leading the way through the forest, to the Djinn's cave. As they left, Arthur struggled to suppress a smile. Circumstances may be different, and Merlin's attitude may have been uncharacteristic, but there was no denying, deep down – he was still the same man. And Arthur wouldn't have it any other way.

They eventually came to a halt as Arthur recognised the place they'd first been attacked by bandits, several days ago. After carefully dismounting, he looked around, holding his sword tight in his hand. They were close.

"Arthur?" Arthur turned to see Merlin, now too dismounted, looking at him quizzically.

"We're close." He said simply.

"To what, exactly?"

Arthur sighed. "Answers," he replied dubiously.

Walking slowly, and as quietly as he could, Arthur began to move out; tracing the path he took in his memory. Re-enacting the battle he'd been caught up in in his mind, he eventually made his way over the ridge, with Merlin following closely behind him.

"Arthur!" he hissed, but he got no reply. Arthur was too absorbed in his mission, in finding whatever it was they were here to find to even hear him speak.

After several minutes, Arthur eventually found the entrance to the cave and Merlin appeared from behind a tree, watching him carefully.

"This is it." Arthur muttered.

"Great." Merlin replied, "But _what_, exactly, is this?"

"This is where the Djinn is." Arthur eventually said, turning to look at Merlin for a moment, but he just raised his eyebrows and paused, as though unable to believe what he was hearing.

"You were really serious about that Djinn question?"

Arthur nodded.

"Arthur... there is no Djinn. There's no such thing! If there was, don't you think I would have heard of it?"

The King paused for a moment as he drew his mother's enchanted necklace from his pocket. "Apparently you're not as good as you think you are." he joked, turning to look back at Merlin for a moment, before entering the cave.

Merlin watched, sighing heavily with frustration as Arthur disappeared into the darkness. He considered it for a moment, almost hesitating, before following him, hissing, "Arthur! Arthur?"

"I'm right here, Merlin. No need to be scared." came the reply from somewhere ahead.

"Oh this is ridiculous, how are we going to find anything here if we can't see our own feet ahead of us?!" Merlin huffed.

Reaching down, feeling around for a moment blindly with his hands on the ground, he eventually found a big enough stick. Tearing off a piece of his shirt, he bound it to the end, then muttered a spell. The cloth immediately caught fire and Arthur turned round, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the light.

Merlin thrust the flaming branch into his hands, then took out something from his pocket – something Arthur couldn't quite make out. "_Nor, doth menn_." he uttered, then without warning, a blinding white light burst into being in his palm. After a few seconds it dulled to a more comfortable glow, and Merlin cocked his head at Arthur for a moment.

Rolling his eyes, Arthur turned and continued on into the cave. Now with some light, it was considerably easier, and somewhat less scary walking through the cave, knowing he was about to face the Djinn.

But the further they ventured, the further away from any answers they seemd to get. There was no way to tell which part of the cavern he'd been in when he was attacked, as when he was in here previously, he'd been in complete darkness.

"Arthur," Merlin reasoned after they stopped, both frustrated and no closer to the truth than when they'd entered the cave, now quite some time ago. "Listen to me. There is no Djinn. I don't know what you thought you saw, but look around! There's nothing here -"

Arthur raised his hand suddenly to silence him, as his eyes widened. Merlin turned in the direction of Arthur's gaze and his breath caught when he saw it – a spark of blue disapperaing into the darkness, round a corner.

"There's a passageway!" Arthur exclaimed. "That must be where it's hiding! Quick," he whispered, turning to Merlin, "Put the light out!"

Dropping his torch to the ground and stamping out, Arthur turned to Merlin and he followed suit, closing his hand. Arthur watched his eyes turn gold just before the light almost completely extinguished itself and once again they were engulfed in darkness, with naught but he low, dim glow of Merlin's magic to guide them.

Though a little difficult to navigate, the two men eventually made their way through the passageway, following the Djinn's trail, and came out in a large opening that lead to an open area. The walls were covered in all kinds of blue patterns, some of them glowing, but Arthur was transfixed on something else.

Standing, or rather, _hanging_ there, chained up by his hands against the wall was a boy. Just as he'd seen three times before when no one else could, he was covered in blood and bruises and his clothes were torn. His eyes flickered open for a moment and he looked up Arthur with a pleading look, as though begging him for something and once again Arthur felt his heart wrench.

"Arthur!" Merlin hissed.

"Merlin," Arthur turned to face him, then pointing towards the peasant boy, "You can see him, can't you?"

"Yes, Arthur! I can see him. And I can also see a blue light in the passageway." he pulled at Arthur's arm, but Arthur resisisted and Merlin begged, "Come _on_, Arthur, please!" But when Arthur shook his head, turning back to look at the peasant boy, confused and unsure what to do, Merlin pleaded desperately, "Look, Arthur – you were right! Okay, you were right – the Djinn is real. And it's here. And it's going to kill us if we stay here. We need to leave, now, or it's going to come back!"

"No, we... we have to help him." Arthur muttered, walking towards the peasant boy.

Then the boy opened his eyes again, looking up at Arthur, and spoke. "Daddy..." he muttered, "Please father..."

Arthur's brow furrowed with concern and utter bewilderment.

"Arthur!" Merlin hissed again, now pulling at his sleeve.

"He's dreaming..." Arthur breathed, as though suddenly his whole world was caving in around him. Then he turned to Merlin, wearing an expression of shock and pain. "What if that's what the Djinn does? What if it makes you dream, makes you believe you're somewhere else while it feeds on you? What if..." his voice broke off for a moment as he considered a possiblity to painful, to horrific to say aloud, "What if I'm in here too? I'm not seeing this boy because I'm losing my mind, I'm just seeing though the cracks of this dream I'm stuck in."

"Arthur, that's insane!" Merlin replied, pulling hard on Arthur's arm and adding, "We have to go, now!"

But Arthur shook him away, this time more violently. He looked at Merlin hard for a moment, then, backing away, he whispered, "I don't think you're real..."

"Arthur, come on! Don't be a fool! Look!" he argued, glancing back at the passageway for a moment where the blue light was growing brighter, edging nearer, before turning back to Arthur and grabbing his clothes by the neck. "Do you feel this?" he asked, pulling at him, "This is real. This is me, _really_ pulling you because we really have to get out of here! _Please_!"

"Or maybe I need to wake up." he replied, drawing his sword.

"Woah, Arthur!" Merlin exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"

Arthur nodded vigerously, "If you die in a dream, you wake up." Then he raised the sword, pointing it at his chest, muttering, "I need to wake up..."

"No, Arthur, wait!" Merlin pleaded, "You can't kill yourself! Think about Gwen! Your sister! What would your mother say? You've got them, you've got everything you ever wanted and they can't live without you, and you're about to take your own life!"

Arthur paused for a moment, then he added, "I don't think they're real either. I have to..." Looking at Merlin one last time with a pleading look of pain in his eyes, he raised the sword again.

"STOP!" Merlin screamed.

Arthur turned, almost doing a double take, as he saw his mother standing a few feet away, walking towards his side. Then, just behind Merlin, walking through the passageway, came not the Djinn, but Morgana and Guinevere. Looking around, unable to comprehend anything, Arthur met with Gwen and Morgana's gaze, before eventually turning back to Merlin.

Merlin sighed heavily, with tears in his eyes. "Why did you have to keep looking? Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Arthur... you were happy!"

Turning from one to the other, Arthur's face was painted with an expression of disbelief and anguish. Then Igraine touched his shoulder. Looking up at him with that beautiful softness in her eyes, she said calmly, "Come back to Camelot with us, Arthur. Put down the sword; come home."

Arthur swallowed hard, fighting against the painful lump in his throat. "But it's not real..."

"Does it matter?" she asked, "It's still better than anything you ever had."

Arthur's eyebrows furrowed, but Gwen replied, "Everything is as you always wanted. You have your family; Camelot lives in peace."

"But..." Arthur mumbled, finding it difficult to form his struggle into words, "The Djinn... I'll die!"

"But in here, it will last forever," Igraine replied.

Arthur turned to her, fighting back the tears swimming in his eyes as she reached up and touched his face. Savouring the sensation of her warm hand holding his cheek, he closed his eyes.

"You can have all you ever wanted – we're a family again; I'm here! You can live out your entire life as you've always dreamed and never have to worry about anything ever again. You can have the perfect life."

Gwen moved forward as Igraine stepped away and she took his face in her hands, pulling him close and planting a gentle, passionte kiss on his lips. "Please," she breathed as she pulled away, "stay. We're about to start a family! We'll have children and you'll get to see them grow up and have children of their own! It's all you ever wanted..."

"Guinevere..." was all Arthur could manage. She smiled up at him, wiping away a tear that had just escaped his eye.

Then she stepped back as Morgana looked up at Arthur. "Out there you won't have me." she said as a tear fell from own her eyes.

Arthur swallowed hard. "But... all of those people... Gaius, Annis..."

She sighed, gazing into his eyes with a look that pierced all of his defences, crawling inside and right to his heart, where it tore him apart. "Why is it your job to save everyone? Are you not allowed to be happy just because you're the King? Haven't you done enough already?"

As a tear slid down his cheek, Arthur looked around once more, feeling a phsyical pain in his chest from the internal turmoil.

"_Please_," Merlin pleaded, all the cold and the bitterness gone from his eyes. "I'm begging you – _stay_. Please."

Arthur nodded slowly, then after a long, tearful pause, he took a step back and looked up, looking around at everyone. It was so perfect; they were right – he had everything. He had his mother, everything was as it should have been. She should never have been taken from him. His father _should_ have lived in peace and loved his son with all his heart. Morgana _should_ have stayed, she should have had the chance to be happy and to fall in love. The Kingdom _should_ have been at peace, none of this should have happened and it just wasn't fair!

This was everything that could have been. This was what he had to give up for a Kingdom with a bloody history, a father who died bitter and a sister who hated him. And he wished to hell he didn't have to. He wished he could have _this_. But the truth was, even now... he didn't.

Arthur braved one last smile as he took it in – this perfect dream that should have been. "I'm sorrry."

Then he raised the sword one last time and thrust with all his might, and the blade pierced his chest with immense force.

**A/N – It may be a while before the next and final chapter is updated, as it will be the hardest to write and I really want to get it right. I hope you have the patience to wait, it will be worth it, I promise!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N – it's finally here! I have read, re-read and re-re-read it. I've agonised over every word and ever letter and every puncutation mark, but it's finally here – the 9****th**** and final chapter.**

**This was really difficult to write, because this is where the aftermath of the story is nothing like what happened in the Supernatural episode his fic is based off. I'm sorry it took so long – broken memory sticks and all sorts of trouble. But I hope you like it, and I hope it was worth the wait. 3300 words. Lots of... oh, just read it!**

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"Arthur!" Merlin screamed, rushing towards him.

Struggling to breathe through the pain, Arthur lifted his head, his eyes flickering open.

"Arthur, wake up! Arthur! Are you alright?" Merlin asked frantically, checking the King's pulse in his neck.

As everything slowly began to pull into focus, Arthur became aware of the ropes pulling at his wrists, holding them in place above his head, and the ache in his shoulder and neck.

"Merlin..." he mumbled, his voice grainy and weak. Smiling, scarcely able to believe it, he muttered, "I was right."

Merlin's entire body breathed one huge sigh of relief as he looked into Arthur's eyes, "I thought I'd lost you!"

"You almost did." grunted Arthur, wincing as Merlin carefully pulled a long, thin fang from the artery in his neck.

As the slow flow of venom stopped, very slowly, things began to become clearer and the crushing weight pushing against his head began to ease up. Merlin fumbled around with the ropes above his head, untying him quickly.

Then something appeared behind him, and Arthur scarecly had time to croak, "Merlin!" before the Djinn grabbed his manservant by the shoulder.

Merlin turned round, gasping as he looked up at the huge and terrifying monster, currently crushing his shoulder with a powerful grip. But as its eyes began to burn a brighter blue, and it extended its other hand to touch Merlin's head, the boy's eyes also lit up – a bright gold colour. The Djinn was thrown back, crashing into the cave wall several feet away.

Arthur squinted as the world continued to spin and he desperately tried to pull everything into focus. Yanking heavily at the already loosened ropes above his head, trying to free himself, Arthur squirmed, as he watched an impossible battle unfold before his blurry eyes. Two figures – one substantially larger and bluer than the other were moving frantically about, attacking each other. A bright light burned, flashing suddenly as though appearing from nowhere, consuming everything in Arthur's vision for several seconds, and he had to close his eyes to shield himself from it. When it subsided, and he opened his eyes again, things were a little clearer now – the Djinn was lying on the floor, no longer glowing, but looking, for want of a better word, _drained_. If he didn't know better, he'd say it was dead. But he was hardly able to believe _Merlin_ could defeat such a beast single-handedly with no apparent weapon.

Still dizzy and unable to collect his thoughts, he stopped thinking about it when one last tug on the ropes freed him and he went crashing to the ground.

"Arthur!" Merlin suddenly called, "He's alive!"

Arthur looked up to see Merlin busy untying the blooded peasant boy from his dream. As he took the young boy in his arms, straining a little under the dead-weight, he nodded towards the light at the end of the cavern. Reaching down, he offered Arthur his shoulder, and the King took it, leaning on it as he pulled himself clumsily up. Then, both unsteady on their feet, but determined, they made their way through the passageway and eventually out into the light of day.

There wasn't much light left in the day as the sun was already setting, and with two severely injured in their company, Merlin knew he'd have to set up camp somewhere close. All the same, after spending however long they'd been trapped there, in almost total darkness in that cave, any hint of direct sunglight, however dull, was momentarily blinding to Arthur.

Raising his arm to shield his eyes and squinting, Arthur mumbled, "Merlin... we need to get to safety, find somewhere to set up camp..."

Merlin nodded, "There's a place down by the stream. It's pretty sheltered, and there's fish – we need to eat."

Arthur nodded in agreement, and as they headed off towards the sound of running water, stumbling slowly through the foliage – Arthur still dizzy, and Merlin carrying the young peasant boy in his arm, Arthur turned to Merlin. "How long was I gone for?"

"Almost a day and a half. Camelot's Knights should come looking for us soon. They were expecting us back this morning, they'll know something was wrong. I'm just glad I found you alive!" Merlin replied, setting the boy down by the roots of a large Willow tree as they reached the stream's edge.

Arthur nodded, "Thank you." he said, before his whole world began to spin again and he collapsed.

Arthur awoke to the crackling sound and warmth of a fire. Sitting up suddenly, taking heavy, laboured breaths, he looked around.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked.

Arthur looked to see him sitting up, the other side of the fire. The injured peasant boy was lying next to him, and Merlin held a stick with a poked fish on the end over the flames. Arthur nodded, sighing heavily.

"Don't get up," Merlin said calmly, just glad to see him awake, "You need to rest, Arthur. The Djinn's poison is powerful, and it's going to take some time to wear off. We shouldn't move until Camelot's Knights come. A patrol should be here by tomorrow morning. Until then... you need to eat."

Nodding in agreement, Arthur lay back down, leaving the food Merlin offered him lying beside him, untouched. He couldn't eat right now. He couldn't sleep either...

The night wore on, and eventually, as Arthur began to feel his strength return, he sat up. Merlin was still awake, watching over Arthur attently all night it seemed. Arthur couldn't help but smile as he stared into the flames. He was glad to have Merlin – the real Merlin back. But everything else, everything he'd lost...

"Are you sure you're alright?" Merlin asked again, looking deep into Arthur's eyes, his face painted with worry.

Arthur nodded slowly. Then, eventually, he took a long, deep breath and spoke. "I was dreaming you know. I don't know how long for, but in there… it felt like it was days. The Djinn didn't grant my wish, it just made me thought it had."

"So you were living in your wish?" Merlin looked down for a moment, absorbing this revelation quietly to himself. "How did you get out?"

"I killed myself." Arthur answered. When Merlin looked at him with wide eyes, Arthur continued, "I realised it was just a dream, that I was really held captive to the Djinn and needed to wake up. And when you die in a dream, you wake up, right? So I figured…"

Merlin nodded, and seeing how difficult the King was finding this, he tried, "You did the right thing, Arthur. And I'm glad you did. I don't know if anyone else would have had the strength to pull themselves out."

Arthur nodded slowly, his mind somewhere else. Eventually, drawing a deep breath, he turned to Merlin with tears in his eyes and said, "You should have seen it Merlin. My mother was alive, Camelot was in peace, Guinevere and I were about to have children! Morgana was here – you two were engaged!" he exclaimed. "Although… we didn't really get on."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was supposed to be a perfect world?" he ventured.

Arthur shook his head, "It was just a wish… something I never even said aloud. It was perfect to me because it was the world I'd always wanted. I wished that my mother had never died, that I could have grown up with her, that I could have had a real childhood and someone who loved me with all their heart and… well, I suppose I can't have both you and that." He sighed eventually, laughing a little as he said it.

Merlin smiled in return, but the expression soon faded and concern once again took over. "Well I'm glad we do get on. Because you're my friend, Arthur. You're like a brother to me. And I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm glad you had the strength to let it go."

The King nodded, "I'm grateful for your friendship Merlin, and your loyalty. I'm glad we do get on." Merlin nodded, but Arthur stood up and turned away, looking out into the dark forest. Then he turned back to look at Merlin, and he could see tears swimming in the King's eyes. "But you should have been there, Merlin. I mean… we've suffered so much. I've lost so much! I've lost my father, I lost Morgana, I never even _knew_ my mother! But there, everything was different. We had peace, Merlin!" then he added, "Magic was free, you know…"

At this, Merlin perked up, and his brow furrowed in confusion as his eyes darted about, searching for some explanation.

Seeing his reaction, Arthur nodded and continued, "I suppose if my father never lost Igraine, he never banned magic… there was no war, no hatred, no executions. There was just peace and prosperity. I had a family, I had my sister back…"

Merlin nodded slowly, now beginning to feel a twang of pain in his chest at the idea of this world that could have been. A world with peace; a world where he was free to be himself, where he had everything he'd wished for too, even Morgana! Eventually, he looked up into Arthur's eyes and spoke. "It wasn't real."

"But I wanted it to be!" Arthur replied, throwing his sword down by the fire as he sighed heavily, seating himself once more. Rubbing the tears from his eyes, he stared into the flames as he spoke. "I wanted so desperately to stay. It was how things should have been. And it's not fair that my mother was taken from me before I even had a chance to know her! I've done everything I can, Merlin… I've always followed my heart, tried to do what I believe is right. But still… everyone around me dies. Everyone leaves in the end." he finished, defeated. Rubbing his eyes, he sighed heavily.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Merlin replied quickly, looking up and catching Arthur's gaze.

A faint smile began to emerge on Arthur's face and Merlin returned the affectionate gesture. Whatever could be said about the world that could have been, the world he wanted… he was glad Merlin was here, and back to his old, usual self. But as Arthur thought more and more about the Merlin he'd known in that other world, his brow began to furrow and he felt his voice get caught in his throat as he tried to speak.

Clearing his throat, he began again. "Merlin… did you love Morgana?" he asked.

Merlin raised his eyebrows, a little taken aback by the question. Eventually he nodded, "Yes. I did… and I'm responsible for who she is now, Arthur, not you. I could have… I _should_ have helped her. She trusted me and I let her down in ways… I should have been there."

"Why weren't you?"

"I… I don't know, I was scared I suppose." He eventually mumbled, now fighting back his own tears.

"You were engaged you know – she was totally besotted with you." Arthur replied, choosing his words carefully as he struggled to voice them, struggling to make sense of this. "And you… you were a nobleman."

Merlin sat up a little straighter, a bemused look on his face, unsure of quite what to make of that information. "Well… I suppose that explains why she fell for me!" he joked.

Then Arthur looked up, staring Merlin deep in the eye, and held his gaze as he continued, "You were the Court Sorcerer, Merlin." Dead silence fell and he watched as Merlin's breathing increased. Now fighting back tears, Arthur continued, "How did you defeat the Djinn back there, in the cave?"

Shifting a little uncomfortably, Merlin paused for a moment, before changing the subject, averting his gaze. "So, in this dream of yours… where I was a sorcerer…"

As his voice trailed off, Arthur took up the thread. "We didn't get along, we hated each other! But it wasn't because of your magic, it was because I was an ass and I never treated you well. A world where magic wasn't outlawed, Merlin, and everything was the same. Morgana still had magic, only she used it for good. Guinevere was my wife. But you... you gave my mother an enchanted necklace to protect her. You told me your father was Balinor, the Dragonlord… so I have to ask myself, Merlin… why, when everything else was the same as it would have been, were you so different?"

Avoiding his gaze, Merlin replied, "I don't know, sire." Smiling, attempting to brush it off, he said, "The Djinn manipulated you into believe all kinds of things. You were dreaming, Arthur; none of it was real."

Nodding slowly, Arthur fell silent for a moment. He could still feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

Merlin stood up, as though about to head off and mumbled, "We need more firewood."

But Arthur caught him before he could turn away, saying, "All those years ago, you told me you'd never met your father. When we went to find the Dragonlord, you found Balinor in the cave and he helped me. And when he died you were distraught. I've never seen you cry like that before, for anyone…"

Merlin eventually shifted his gaze and when met with Arthur's, he could see it – like he was begging Arthur not to ask, begging him not to bring back that hurt or keep digging to find the truth. Some truths were too much to bear…

Arthur swallowed hard. "Was Balinor your father?"

Turning away, desperately trying to push down the tears threatening to spill over, Merlin took a deep breath. "Arthur… I was upset because he was Camelot's last hope…"

"Yes," Arthur pryed, "Because no weapon we had could even touch the Great Dragon, nothing was poweful enough. And you told me – the other you, in this dream – that the Dragonlord magic was passed from father to son. So suddenly I'm wondering why when the entire army of Camelot couldn't bring down this creature, with every strength of arms we could muster, it miraculously disappeared. You told me I dubbed it a mortal blow with my spear…" Shifting himself where he sat, drawing himself up as though suddenly becoming taller, Arthur asked again, "You didn't answer my question, Merlin… was he your father?"

As a tear escaped his desperate, crumbling defences, Merlin, still looking away, unable to match Arthur's gaze again, nodded slowly. After a lengthy pause, without turning to look at the King, he said again, "We need more firewood." and then he was gone.

Arthur sat there, sighing heavily as he watched Merlin disappear, engulfed by the darkness of the forest. Had he just scared him off? What was he supposed to do now? What do you do when you find out that someone you love, someone you care about that much, someone who's been there for you everytime you needed them, even when you didn't want them... what do you do when you find out they've been lying to you all this time?

Did he even have a right to pry? If Merlin truly was a sorcerer – an explanation Arthur wanted so desperately to deny, but as hard as he searched, he couldn't find any other way around this truth, no other explanation for everything that had happened – what was he supposed to do? He wasn't about to execute his closest friend! Could he blame him for keeping his secret? Law stated he should be executed for his crimes. He lived with that every day...

No, Merlin was his friend... he should have told him. He should have been honest. The magic, maybe he could find some room for it, some room to forgive, some room to expand his horizons and see the world in a slightly different light. But the lies... that was too personal. That cut deep deep into his heart and tore him apart inside.

For what felt like an eternity, Arthur sat there, staring into the flames, watching them rise as they devoured the wood, turning it all to ash and dust. Trying so desperately to clear his head, to make some sense of it all, he suddenly looked up as he heard movement ahead. He breathed a sigh of relief and surprise as Merlin appeared from the darkness, carrying several logs of wood. He looked exhausted, and Arthur could tell he'd been crying.

Arthur even braved a smile as their eyes met for a moment before Merlin placed the wood down, feeding the fire as he sat himself once again, perching in the same position as before, as if nothing had happened. It was a small smile, but it was there, for a second. He hadn't even been sure if Merlin would come back.

They sat for some time in silence, each avoiding one another's gaze, until eventually, Arthur looked up and spoke. "What would you do, Merlin, if you found out that someone you've known for years, someone… someone you care about a lot, wasn't who you thought they were?"

Merlin took a deep breath, then looked up into Arthur's eyes and spoke in a deep but weak voice as he fought back more tears. "I think that some secrets are best kept hidden. Sometimes people keep secrets because they have to, they don't have any other choice… sometimes secrets keep us safe."

Arthur nodded slowly. He swallowed hard, then after a long pause he looked deep into Merlin's eyes and said, with genuine regret and compassion, "I never meant to make anyone feel unsafe…"

Merlin braved a small smile. "I know, Arthur." then, after a pause where the atmosphere was so thick he could have cut into it with his sword, Merlin spoke up again, adding, "I'm sure those… who feel… _unsafe_ with their secrets are just waiting for the right opportunity. They never meant to keep anything from you… they never meant to hurt you, Arthur. But when the time is right, when you're ready to see the truth…"

Nodding knowingly, Arthur wiped away the tear on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Arthur." the words left Merlin's lips as the conversation came to its end and as he had nothing left to say, Arthur just looked back at Merlin. As their gaze met and they shared an intense and emotional moment, they knew the didn't need any words; they didn't need anything else.

Tearing his gaze away from Merlin, Arthur eventually cleared his throat and, laying down amongst the roots, he said, "We'll travel back to Camelot at first light tomorrow morning."

Merlin nodded, wiped away the tear stains on his cheeks, and followed suit, bedding himself down on the soft earth. Still in shock at Arthur's revelation, and the unspoken truth that now lay between them like a barrior as tall as Camelot's great walls, Merlin closed his eyes and sighed heavily. But he couldn't help but feel, amongst all the uncertainty, the confusion and shock, a sense of _peace_. He'd looked into Arthur's eyes; he's seen past the clever words, all the banter and all the defences he usually put up. He'd seen him. And there was hurt and shock in those eyes, yes; but there was something else there too. Amongst all the confusion and pain, there was hope also...

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**A/N – thank you all so much for reading this story. I've never managed a long, multi-chapter story like this before, and you'll all been so supportive and complimentary! It's been wonderful writing this, and I *really* hope you like this final chapter. Please let me know what you think and leave a review!**

**Gentlemen... it has been a pleasure writing for you!**


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